SIsTer STePHaNIe HoLM

MTC MTC MTC MTC MTC MTC

2011-03-26T11:50:00.001-07:00

Sister Stephanie Holm
MTC Mailbox # 179
TAIW-TAI 0616
2005 N 900 E
Provo, UT 84604-1793

WRITE ME PLEASE =D

I leave Wednesday... 4 days!!!!
text/email/facebook me your addresses and emails!!!!!

Auntie Heffer

2011-03-22T14:35:00.001-07:00

Yep.
I found out right as my parents and I landed in St. George on Sunday night.
Jaime is PREGGERS! and I'll be gone =( and won't get to see him/her until i get home about a year later!
sad sad day.. but I'm also really happy for them!!!!!
Congratulations Steve & Jaime! Love you guys =)

Rochester, NY

2011-03-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

I wish i could post the pictures i've taken for the past 3 days!!

but unfortunately the cord that connects my camera to a computer is on my mission "to buy" list.

Anyways . . .

I'm in ROCHESTER, NEW YORK right now!

I've been here since Thursday night visiting my big sister Julie "Sister Holm" (we've been struggling this whole time.. we keep saying "juj.... i mean sister holm" haha and i think her companion is a little annoyed about it.

Sister Holm is serving a mission here in Rochester (the Hill Cumorah Visitor's Center mission).

She gives tours and proselytes.

But the tours are for not only the visitor's center, but all of the church history sites here in Western NY.

We've seen TONS and TONS of stuff here since we got here.

When we first landed, we went straight to a chapel where she was giving a book of mormon night with a few other companionships. i literally ran down the hall to see her because i could hear her talking haha. she was in the middle of a thought and then just went "ohh my gosh....!!!" and ran over and hugged me and cried and hugged my parents and cried haha.

we've been with her and her companion going to all of the sites and visiting people and cool places.

*The Sacred Grove

*The Hill Cumorah

*The Moroni Monument

*The Smith Family Farm

*The Whitmer Farm

*The printing press where the book of mormon was first printed <<>

*and the LDS bookstore next door.

*The Palmyra Temple

Her companion's name is Sister Van Den Berghe and she's way cool.

New York reminds me a lot of Georgia, but all of the houses are so cute and small and victorian looking.

Sister Holm hasn't changed a lot. But she has a lot when you get her in her missionary mode. Things still feel the same with us and everything feels normal, except we hug each other ALL the time and are really cherishing our time together right now (i won't see her for a year and a half almost exactly).

Tonight my parents and i with Sister Holm and her companion visited their mission president. They talked a lot about the mission and gave a lot of advice to my parents for their mission.

We talked about how I don't want Sister Holm to get married until i get home, but that she really wants to ha and so i'll be ok with that if it's absolutely necessary haha.

Visiting with the mission president (President Christianson) was amazing. He just had a heart attack a few days ago and he definitely had taken some resting time away to be able to visit with us. He's an amazing man.

but all of this has gotten me SOOOO excited to go.

I am sick and sick and SICK of the anxiety!! i just want to go!!

I can't wait to see how i like the MTC because i've heard everyone else's opinion and it's time i had my own.

I can't wait to see how i get along with my companions. and i can't wait to start my schedule and be more organized and to try my obedience and work ethic.

I can't wait to meet my mission president and get to know the language and culture of Taiwan.

I can't wait to ride my bike and visit people and have fun learning the language.

I'll have to remind myself constantly that the little things that bother me aren't a big deal.

I'll have to pray all of the time until i love the food.

My patience will be tested a ton with the language, but i want to work hard and make it fun.

Anyway.. i just got home and i'm just all excited!

I know it's 18 months that i could be dating, getting married, going to school, going to the beach, watching movies, and hanging out with my friends. But i feel like this opportunity is a huge blessing. My life is about to change almost completely and i cant wait!!!!

Way Cute

2011-03-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

{There's Gold Ahead, There's Gold in Dreams.. in Life's Hills and Valleys}

2011-03-13T20:42:00.001-07:00

I've been getting a ton (A TON) of stuff ready for my mission guys.

I am quite stressed and busy.

My life is a stress case in slow motion right now.

But you can also see me driving around St. George in this beautiful beautiful weather (its almost as great as hawaii right now... almost.) with the windows down, my sunglasses on, singing the Rocket Summer. and relaxing my time away.

I LOVE all of the people I've been able to see.

There is this sister missionary from L.A. who i knew at BYU Hawaii, and she is called on her mission here in St. George at the temple visitor's center.

This past summer she came over to eat dinner at my house and it was AWESOME. it was a total surprise when she walked in haha. but i ran into her when i went to lunch with the amazing friend that i have named Liz Egbert at Cafe Rio the other day.

Her name is Sister Mariano, and she is awesome. After lunch, i stopped by the visitor's center and chatted for over an hour with all of the sisters there. I was surrounded and given so much advice from all of them. I left soo happy and excited!

I had set this goal that i was going to start my sleep schedule (10:30 - 6:30) 21 days before i entered the MTC so that i could set it as a habit. They told me to enjoy not having to wake up at 6:30 and maybe a few days before i should do it just so my body doesn't get shocked.

and i agreed anyways because I have too many things that i want to at night to be able to go to bed that early.....

I leave in 17 days!!!!!!!

can you even believe that?!

i know, right.

it is the craziest feeling ever.

i know that it's normal. but somedays i wake up and i'm just like "oh my gosh... i CANNOT do this. there is no way that i can do this."

Missionary work isn't about me. And the less i think about me, the happier i am. =)

Saturday was a hard day for me.

let me tell you why.

SOOOO Many people got married. there was a girl in my ward who went to get her endowment, and there were i think 6 or 8 people going through for the first time. and 30, THIRTY, weddings. It makes sense because it's right before (or during) Spring Break. But listen,

i'm a girl. I'm about to leave on a mission. I'm not going to be able to date, to cuddle, and to really even think about boys. For the most part it's a good thing.

but i DREAD coming home. because even now i wish i was married even though my mission is without a doubt what i'm supposed to do. What if my wedding day never comes? what if i really do turn out to be a cat lady? I'm gonna work hard on my mission so that hopefully the harder I work, the more awesome he'll be. I don't want to come home and have to wait very long before I'm married. I know that i'll be tired of being alone after a while.

=) Happy Sunday!

PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to visit Sister Julie Holm on THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{Happy}

2011-03-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

I walked downstairs to say goodnight to my little nephew Camden,

i said "i thought you were 3 little kids walking in the door so i came down here to see who it was,

but it's just you. and you're just one"

and he goes

"nu uh there's 2 cause my dad counts too."

and then he tried to make the wii work, and i told him it wasn't working because he hadn't given me hugs and kisses goodnight.

so now i have a fat lip.

because i gave him a kiss on the head, and he kept wiping away my kisses, and leaning back and forth. and banged me in the head.

but it makes me happy. haha

I've been sick for the past couple of days.

And its still like every single day is a roller coaster

some days I'm still so excited to go and just want to leave tomorrow

and other days I ask myself what the heck am i getting myself into.

I think everyone feels like that though.

I kind of regret not finishing another semester at BYUH.

I look back at the past couple of months,

I've traveled a ton

but i've only seen my family a little.

I really don't spend all that much time with my parents

and they were the whole reason I moved home.

I even go mission shopping by myself ha

that's how busy they are.

It reminds me of my senior year when i did all of my graduation stuff by myself.

I bought my cap and gown, i submitted pictures for the young women's slideshow,

i cut and put together my graduation announcements,

and now i'm buying skirts that go past my knee,

and shirts that cover my garments,

cute headbands,

closed toed and heeled shoes,

raincoats,

belts, and hair flowers,

extra make-up and shavers,

a plethora of american fever-reducers,

suitcases and a sweet mission backpack,

pens, pencils, a mini hymnbook, a notebook,

bed sheets and 2 pillowcases,

towels and shampoo,

and figuring out how i need to best prepare.

it's a lonely, and stressful process.

and I miss the people who made me laugh all of the time.

I could really use a good laugh

and a talk about how crazy this decision feels sometimes.

{Call} Pictures & Videos

2011-02-27T19:58:00.000-08:00

{Georgia 2011} Dreaming old dreams... Wishing old wishes...

2011-02-23T13:24:00.001-08:00

Foreword:

From 2005 to 2008 I lived in Alpharetta, Georgia.

I attended Chattahoochee High School where i Graduated,

went to church at the John's Creek Ward,

and had some amazing times with some very good friends.

The Wall Family:

Ira, Kerri, Nathaniel, Devin, Justin, Harrison

(Nathaniel and i have been really good friends since i moved to Georgia, and best friends our senior year)

FRIDAY:

I Arrived at the Atlanta airport at 4:30PM (without any delays!!!)

Kerri and Nathaniel picked me up

(i haven't seen them since summer of '08!)

and we had dinner with their family at The Varsity.

(They made me try the chili-dogs because that's what its famous for

they were way good! but i could only eat one haha)

Nathaniel and i went to his house

and waited for Cameron Greenburg to come over

and we went to WAFFLE HOUSE late that night.

(Nathaniel, Weston and I used to eat at the waffle house

probably at least once a week, usually after mutual)

SATURDAY:

Cameron slept over,

Kerri made us BISCUITS AND GRAVY (nice and southern =)

and we had a lazy morning.

Around noon Devin was begging us to make homemade ice cream

so we went to publix and bought the stuff to make later that night.

Then Cameron, Nathaniel and I drove to

The MALL OF GEORGIA (half an hour drive)

to eat lunch with my really good friends

Ashlyn Lichliter & Mariana Correa (with hubby Baylen)

(all of the girls who i graduated with except one, are all married now haha)

We had a really fun lunch at the OLIVE GARDEN,

with a rude waiter,

and had some good catching up time.

I have missed those girls.

I had a few moments where i just was like

"I can't believe I'm sitting here, in Georgia, with all of you guys"

and i'd get all teary eyed and have a moment. haha

I realized as i was in Georgia

how incredibly grateful i am

for all of the amazing friends that i have.

i am soooo blessed.

I have friends ALL over

and i would be depressed and discouraged

if i didn't have all of them.

I love LOVE love my friends.

After lunch Mariana, her husband,

cameron, nathaniel and i

walked around the Mall.

We sat around in the LOVESAC store

and went to the AS SEEN ON TV store

and i bought some cute shoes for my mission at H&M.

After a couple hours we were done, and i had to say bye to Mariana. =(

who still texted me the whole time i was there even when i wasn't with her. I love her! haha

Nathaniel and i visited

Taze and Kathryn Miller

and the Ernsts!

(Verne Ernst was my bishop for my junior and senior years of high school

he's now the stake president

and is one of my very favorite in georgia/the world)

it was so fun to be able to chat with them

tell them about my call

and my parents call

and about my life.

Nathaniel and I went to dinner together at a Thai Food restaurant.

then we drove over and saw my house

on PAPILLON TRACE.

I had a moment.

The whole time i was looking at it i kept thinking about

how i felt while i lived there, and how far i've come since i was there.

It was a crazy weird feeling to see it again.

Then Cameron came over

and we watched Kung Fu Panda.

Nathaniel went to bed,

and Cameron and I stayed up and talked

in our sweet Russian accents for a little while.

SUNDAY:

Church at the Johns Creek ward.

AMAZING.

President Ernst spoke

(the night before he had warned me that he was going to call me up

to bear my testimony.

but luckily the bishop who spoke before him

only left him about 5 minutes to speak haha)

Then he bore his testimony in Relief Society

about his love for the women in his life.

Afterward i went up to tell him bye,

and started crying as he told me how special of a person i am to him and his family

i told him if it wasn't for him, i would be a different person.

he was an amazing influence in my life.

I got to see my whole ward!

tons of families and people i haven't seen in so long.

it was so nice to see everyone

and i felt so loved and missed.

i wish i could go visit once a month,

i LOVE all of the people in that ward.

Sunday night we made homemade ice cream

had Tim and Meagan Moody over for dinner

CHICKEN PILLOWS oh soo good.

watched Shanghai Noon

and played 4 men on a couch.

(I also took a nap this day,

and had a nightmare that someone was trying to attack me

and i couldn't move or wake up

so i started to scream so that Walls would come and wake me up..

i woke up really embarrassed hoping i hadn't actually been screaming in my sleep.

i went downstairs and everyone else was taking a nap too

and kerri was starting to make dinner so i helped her.

she laughed at me when i told her about my dream

and reassured me that i wasn't screaming haha

it was a really scary dream!)

MONDAY:

Kerri made us some really good

apple streusel french toast for breakfast (she really spoiled me!)

Nathaniel had to work for a few hours

so i went to lunch with Kerri, Lisa Miller, and DANIELLE POULTER

who was a freshman when i was a senior

and now she's on break from BYU-I, CRAZINESS!

We ate at a mexican restaurant called ADOBOS

it was delicious.

Then Kerri and I got pedicures

and went back to the house and Nathaniel was home.

Nathaniel and i watched EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND

(we used to watch it together when we were dating for a few months haha

and his family loves that show)

We hung out and watched TV for a while

then Cameron and BRANDEE DUNNE came over

(Brandee and i played on the church basketball team together

and hung out at church stuff, girls camp, and we had some movie nights together)

and we went to this really good authentic Mexican Restaurant.

Nathaniel served his mission in Monterrey, Mexico

and had searched out where the really authentic mexican places to eat were.

This place was an old mall

without a/c and run down

and all of the stores were like

tattoo parlors, or dress places for quinceaneras.

haha

We all shared some really good

tacos, enchiladas, and tamales.

and i practiced a little of my spanish.

And we had some authentic coke from mexico.

i guess its supposed to taste different because it has real cane sugar in it.

it tasted really good, but i don't drink coke enough to know the difference.

After dinner, Brandee, Nathaniel and i played Mad Gab

and talked for a little while.

we watched these YouTube videos called

"cute win fail" or something like that.

they're hilarious.

then nathaniel and i watched Everybody Loves Raymond again

and went to bed.

TUESDAY:

We woke up early

and went to breakfast with

kerri, Heather Greenburg and Jeri Colton

(Heather is Cameron's mom, (and Logan's who was my really good friend

in high school and is on his mission in Spain)

and Jeri was my young women's leader.

she gave me a really pretty pouch with my name embroidered on it for my temple stuff)

at this cute EGG HARBOR CAFE.

I got a really good omelet and strawberry-orange juice.

Then we had to go home because Nathaniel had to leave for work soon.

so we watched a little more of Everybody Loves Raymond,

and he left.

then i went and packed

and flew home at 1:50PM

My weekend was AMAZING.

i had so much fun with all of my old friends

and with the Walls.

I'm so glad they let me stay with them because it wouldn't have been the same if i hadn't.

I've missed Georgia a lot and hope that i can go back there again soon after my mission!

Delightful Delays

2011-02-16T13:21:00.000-08:00

This is the story of the worst luck in traveling ever recorded. Probably.

It all started on December 18th, 2010

Flying from HNL to LAX then connecting to LAS

the LAX to LAS flight is departing the gate,

a man stands up (whilst taxiing (big no no)) and goes into the bathroom,

he was drunk, and threw up ALL over the first class bathroom.

The plane turns around, the flight attendants start cleaning it up. Then the captain comes on and announces that he has overflown his hours, and has to go on rest for legalities. The flight is cancelled, people are angry. My dad is livid (big word).

We take a 5 hour bus ride to Vegas from LA. We would have gotten home at 2 in the morning. . . we don't get there 'til 7.

Tuesday (February 8th 2011)

Wake up leave the house at 5:30 a.m.

St. George shuttle to Las Vegas.

I'm flying from LAS to SLC then SLC to HNL.

My flight in LAS is delayed an hour.

I'm freaking out thinking I'm going to miss my connecting flight.

We land in SLC. I briskly walk to another terminal, my flight was supposed to depart in 10 minutes.

The flight is delayed an hour. So i go get a krispy kreme.

The flight gets delayed half an hour.

(The cargo door to the plane wouldn't open. The previous flight from Atlanta (=D) were all waiting for their luggage. 2 hours after they landed they got their luggage out. Then the cargo door wouldn't work right, so they were trying to fix it so that it would open and close properly.)

The flight gets delayed another hour (after the first hour and a half delay)

Then another hour.

Then a half hour...

then 2 hours....

then a whopping 8 hours.

I was supposed to leave SLC at 11 am and arrive in HNL at 330.

We don't leave until 8pm and i don't get to HNL until midnight.

My grandma picked me up and i got to visit her and see her cats and puppy.

Once i arrive in HNL, Bree and Erin are on their way and her car breaks down.

like, for good. Snoopy was dead =(

so we had to have someone else from Laie find a car, go get them because they had her car towed to Kaneohe, then come out and get me.

I was at that airport forever. I got kicked out of the baggage claim because they were closing it.

I sat outside on a concrete bench, and started to cry. It had been a full 24 hours since i left my house in St. George.

and i cried pretty hard because i was tired, and i was in hawaii, and i had all of this bad luck and it just felt weird and sad and scary.

This nice couple from Texas came and talked to me, and they ended up asking a lot of questions about the church so that was cool.

NEXT FLIGHT. . . from Honolulu to Kona

Delayed 3.5 hours. But i did make it and had an amazing time on the Big Island.

(i also had a REALLY REALLY cool missionary experience on this flight. New Post to come)

NEXT FLIGHT. . . from Kona to LAX

Delayed a half hour

then the radio wasn't working right, so we had to make a stop in Honolulu and possibly switch planes.

They fix the radio after an hour in Honolulu.

I'm in first class because my dad upgraded me, then he had a guy from the business on the plane who was 6'6" and a big guy, so i switched him and sat in coach with his 6 year old son who was sleeping and kept hitting me and laying all over me haha. 4.5 hours later we're in LAX.

LAX to LAS

we were already bumped up to a later flight, but we landed 10 minutes before that one was supposed to take off. My parents and i RUN as fast as we can to the gate, (usually when you have a connecting flight and you're cutting it close, the gate attendant will hold the flight for you, especially if its that close) so we get to the gate and the lady was going back and closing the gate. We have the TSA people go back to tell her we're waiting. She shuts the door anyway. and My dad is... beside himself.

the plane was right there. not even leaving the gate yet, we were on the list, and she knew we were. but she said we weren't and that the gate was already closed and there was nothing she could do. My dad goes off.... "that's b.s. we're on that list and you know it"

i run to another gate to get on a different flight. My dad calls and we get switched to another airline that leaves in an hour.

We go through security again. my dad is freaking out thinking our bags won't make it on this flight. he talks to the lady at this other airlines gate, she claims that there's no way she can know and there's no way to find out.

My dad starts yelling at her.

My mom and i just get on the flight.

The flight attendant comes onto the plane before they shut the door and tells my dad that she did call, and they don't know if the bags are on the plane. but she did call (i don't get why she didn't just pick up the phone and call while we were standing there.)

my dad was really frustrated because all of the attendants were just being lazy, and claiming they can't do stuff. My dad flies like every day of every year for the past 30 years. . . he's not some dumb customer that doesn't know how it works.

Anyways.... we did make it home eventually.

3 of the 4 bags we had made it onto the flight, and delta had to drive the other one up from LA to us in STG. Their mistake i'd say.

I did get $450 worth of money toward a flight (it expires in a year so i need to use it before i leave on my mission) and 2 free meals while i was in SLC.

I'm flying to Georgia on Friday. . . cross your fingers for me.

A {letter} to Me

2011-02-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

(Listen to the song first)

Brad Paisley is one of my favorites. . . =)

I still need to blog about my flight madness this past week. You guys have no idea... it was the worst bad luck i have ever had in my entire life.

Anyways. . . while i was on the 4.5 hour flight from Honolulu to LA last night, that song came on my ipod.

I'm going back to Georgia this weekend. And i've also visited and come into contact with a lot of old friends since I've gotten my mission call.

This song made me decide to blog about what i would write to myself if I could send a letter back.

Dear Steph,

You're 15, in middle school, and having a hard time with your friends. You don't feel appreciated and you've never felt like you've fit in with that crowd. You wanted to be popular so bad that you almost lost yourself on the way. Don't worry little girl, the Lord has an even bigger plan for you than you have for yourself.

When you find out about moving to Georgia, don't get caught up in saying goodbye. You'll be back. Don't worry about your friends forgetting about you, because you've made one of the best friends you'll ever have. Always tell Jazmin how much she's meant to you throughout all of it.

Stop talking to Matt, it only ends up making your life complicated. and make friends in school. Chattahoochee is scary, but it will become one of the greatest things you'll ever have experienced. Cherish seminary, sister Yates, and spending time with Mariana, Jenn, Ash, and Rachel.. because the summer will bring massive changes.

If i could tell you one thing to do in the summer of '06, it would be to figure out now how much your parents care about and love you. Always remember that mom wants what's best, not to torture you and keep you away from Josh. Keep Jazmin close and tell her that she's more important than anyone.

Your Junior year is the hardest of the three. Get out of the house, talk to people in school, and make friends. Girls have talked behind your back, and you've lost every friend in your ward, but this will make you stronger than anything. Keep talking to Courtney because you both help each other through some of the hardest lessons life has to offer.

Tell Andrew that you like him, and have the confidence to date him. Pay attention in math, and remember that Coach Dell loves you, he will always be there to help you.

When you meet Weston Goggins, write it in your journal. He'll become one of the best friends you'll have. You, Weston, Nathaniel, and Garrett will create some of the greatest memories that you'll remember in high school. Have fun, and don't stress about relationships. Have the confidence to be yourself and to not date when you don't need to. Stay close to Arielle, she needs you just as much as you've needed her.

The end of your senior year will be filled with so much fun with Weston and Nathaniel. When you go to Portugal, appreciate the culture and be patient. Don't worry about saying goodbye to Weston or Nathaniel, but appreciate Georgia and all it has given you. You've never been afraid of making the decision to go to BYU Hawaii, all you feel is excitement and later on you'll look back and feel so much satisfaction with the way you felt and how it all came together. You don't know a soul, but will make friends almost instantly and the Lord will bless you with the amazing friends you've always prayed for.

Remember to be happy, remember to not make things a bigger deal than they are, and stay close to the Lord.

Don't get caught up in dating and getting married, just enjoy college life and all of the friends you've made.

Study more, and play harder. Take lots of pictures. Hawaii is an amazing blessing.

Texting Danny isn't as important as all of the fun you'll have with Chantal, Bree and Erin in the Casa, remember that they are always there for you.

Soon you'll be frustrated, scared, and really in love. Don't be afraid to say what you feel, and listen closely to the spirit, don't ignore the promptings but trust in your heavenly father's plan for you. You'll make it out alive, i promise. Don't be quick to get upset, Quit talking, quit worrying, and have the confidence to be happy. Serving a mission is something deep down you know you want to do, don't be afraid to make that decision. You've always known that everything will work out how it should. Have Faith and Hope in your future :) you have a lot going for you.

Love, your future self. =)

admittance & {loves}

2011-02-09T23:15:00.000-08:00

Happy HAPPY note!! I'm in Hawaii right now!

In the Casa!

With Bree and Ethan and Ariel!

and i got to hang out with Erin at the RWC today!

and go to class with Bree, Tessa, and Bonnie!

and go to subway!

and ride a longboard around Laie!

and i think i'll go to Foodland later for some comida =) =)

and we're going to watch a movie and make brownies tonight!!

I just wanted to admit,

that being here in Hawaii again, and around the mormon college scene,

I've noticed that those feelings of wanting to get married are ever-present here for me.

I am definitely looking forward to all that life is blessing me with starting this very minute

and continuing on and on. I am very blessed.

On another note:

I want to make another list of things that I love.

Reason:

the other day whilst driving to Arizona for 8 hours

i was thinking about how my attitude has gone downhill

and i've been really lazy and just not really very....

diligent

about doing what i need to do to be proactive haha

so my mind again came up with a metaphor

(remember the one with the small hands

taking their problems

and dropping them into the huge hands above them?)

Here's Steph's #2 LIFE METAPHOR:

there is a tiny jar (like the size for Jam)

and it sits (metaphorically) on my desk in my bedroom.

And its full of good, happy, wonderful, blissful things

things that make me happy

good deeds for my life

service that i've done for others

all of the church meetings i've been to

the times i've read my scriptures and said my prayers

the times that i've asked the Lord to help me make decisions..

things like that.

And every time i do something like

complain

or have a bad attitude

or get angry with someone

things like that...

it takes away some of the happy things in the jar.

so i think about it and realize that i want to keep as many things

in the jar

as possible.

the end. =)

THINGS I LOVE

shopping

anthropologie

toms shoes

my brothers' ambitions

my perfect big sister's advice

the temple

garments (ehh.. sometimes but i'm learning to)

flowers

hawaii (you know what that incorporates, right?)

Valentine's Day

Taipei, Taiwan

Georgia

St. George

My grandma and her love for cats

my parents

my big sister in New York

spaghetti and orange juice

clue

card games

putting on makeup

country music

slow songs/love songs

movies

making and cuddling in quilts

kissing

texting

guacamole

cafe rio

pedicures

my CTR ring

headbands

shopping for mission clothes

Ariel

Haleiwa Eats (HI) & Benjas (UT) & Satay House (GA) all Thai Food

Organizing

Cleaning

baths

vanilla perfume

pearl earrings

periwinkle things

Krispy Kreme donuts

junebug saying "so YUUUMMMAAYY" with a deep voice

Camden talking about "the holy god spirit"

marcus and his "giant house with the world's biggest hot tub and thats it"

huddy and his cute little lisp "im hudthun holm"

jettbug's smile

how i'm the baby whisperer and can put Drake to sleep before his parents can

orange peel

ghost in the graveyard in my house

talks with Ta'ei/Erin/Bree/Ashley

reading in pajamas and socks

making brownies with Bree

Texas sheet cake

25 main cupcakes

a {journal} entry

2011-01-30T15:25:00.000-08:00

My Aunt Janet got me a little journal that was light blue with little snowmen on it from Old Navy for Christmas when i was in 5th grade.

I wrote about the boys i had crushes on, being left out, getting my arm broken, and what i wanted to be when i grew up.

Now, 9 and a half years later, i've completely filled 7 journals.

When i used to write in them in Middle and high school it was more like my therapy. A way to fill the time, to focus my thoughts, and remember what is important to me. I think i write about boys the most because that helps me not think about them as much or try to remember what i was thinking because i have it all written down.

While being home, i've found all of my journals and i read them along with my scriptures at night.

All i can say is, if you don't keep a journal, start today. Make a goal to write in it every night before you go to bed. Even if you write a sentence, a paragraph, or 6 pages, i promise it will be worth it. Its so cool to me because its not just for my posterity to know exactly what i was doing or what i was thinking and what i became in this life and why i am the way i am, but its also so cool for me to see it myself. I've changed and grown and developed and it helps me to know that i've come a long way. and i have a long way to go.

I'm so excited to start all of my mission memorabilia.

I'm going to keep a spiritual journal, and kind of a memories journal.

My sister Julie said that while she's been on her mission, she keeps a separate journal for her thoughts about her future family and kids and when she finds her husband and stuff.

I want to collect little pieces of napkins, receipts, and flowers and things and glue them in. I did that my last 3 months in Hawaii and even a month afterwards i'm soo glad i did.

I love my journals.

It's also funny, because i've started to hang out and talk to some old boyfriends (i hope they don't read this lol) and i can look back and laugh at all of the stuff that happened. (p.s. i'm grateful we're still friends) and (i hope) one day i'll be starting to date my future husband, and i'll write all of the fun stuff and what i was thinking through it all, and we'll read it together and laugh down the road.

Journals are just fun.

I'm blogging a lot because i'm sick haha. but just some thoughts =) =)

Happy Sunday!

"For the {Temple} is a Holy Place...."

2011-01-30T15:07:00.000-08:00

The temple on Thursday was

Amazing

Crazy

Emotional

and i'll admit.... strange.

I had to be at the temple early with my mom to do all of the initiatory stuff before my first session. I couldn't sleep the night before haha i only got about 3 hours of sleep AND i was fasting so when i woke up i was a zombie. My mom told me that i needed to break my fast or i would be miserable and falling asleep in the session. she gave me an energy drink and got me McDonald's ha. But all of the jitters and sleepiness left me as we pulled onto the road with the temple and i saw it. I love the St. George temple. It's always been my fairy princess castle, where i'd be sealed to my eternal companion/prince charming haha. When i saw it, i cried and cried and kept saying to my mom i can't believe i'm so lucky, i'm actually going inside today! I can't believe this!! haha i was all kinds of emotional.

Walking into the temple was fun too. I had my cute Vera Bradley temple bag with my beautiful new temple dress, all of the stuff that i needed (including mints, my mom said it's a tradition of hers to always have mints in her temple bag) and i showed the front desk man my very own temple recommend. (you know.. cause you always picture when you'll have it and that you'll show it to them and smile and think "yep thats right i'm worthy! I'm doing this!")

As a member of the LDS church, i've known all of my life that i would some day go into the temple for the first time. (and i thought it would be right before i got married... ha). Now, having been inside the temple, I am at a loss for words really.

I feel like there's this whole side of the church that i'd never known about before. The temple will do that to you i guess. But it's not secret, it's sacred. And this past Thursday i had to tell myself that it's not scary or weird, it's sacred.

Its like this time when my family got tickets to see General Conference. I was 14 or 15 i think and i was so excited. i remember saying my prayers and expressing how grateful i was that i got to see the prophet in real life. Then when i sat in my seat (on the balcony of the new conference center) i was in total shock. I had felt the spirit prior to entering the conference center, but once i was there i was mesmerized at all of the people, and how commercial it all felt. Seeing that many people come, and seeing all of the cameras and the hype of conference in real life scared me, and i felt like the church wasn't what i had thought it was because of that experience. That's exactly how i felt after my first temple session was over. I was mesmerized, and the church seems foreign again.

I'll continue to go, and i'll get used to it and i know i'll love it once i can understand it all better, but for right now, i'm trying to focus on the positive aspects. The main positive thing that i keep thinking about is how wearing garments always seemed like such an adult thing, and now i'm wearing them. That's crazy! I feel like a real grown up now. It makes me happy sometimes, but that taylor Swift song came on my itunes the other day "Never Grow Up" and i got sad. I don't feel like i'm old enough for all of this. But i'm grateful nonetheless =)

{Five} foot {Three}

2011-01-30T14:59:00.001-08:00

Today I went to see my friends

Ta'ei Lafaele, Mike Richey, Scott Caldwell, and Chad Casey

sing with their ward choir in sacrament meeting.

They live in Bloomington Hills,

and the YSA wards here are sectioned into home stakes.

If you didn't already know,

I went to Bloomington Hills Elementary.

Apparently there was this big problem when my family first moved into Stone Cliff.

Our neighbors were mad that my parents wanted us to go to the new school

instead of the old one where their kids were going.

Anyway, luckily we got to go to Bloomington Hills Elementary.

Today in sacrament meeting i saw TONS of people that i haven't seen in a long long time.

Its funny, i feel like as i've gotten older,

i've gained more confidence.

When i used to come visit St. George, and saw those people,

i would be too shy to say hi.

But now they all came up to me, and i approached some of them.

It was like a great big elementary school reunion and i was

as happy as could be =)

Anyway the point of the title of this post is;

i also saw my 5th grade teacher

Mr. Gregoire.

He's in their bishopric.

I went up to him after sacrament meeting and asked if he remembered me.

He smiled, shook my hand, and said,

"You're not much taller, are ya"

nice.

I guess i haven't grown since 5th grade ha

Cutting {&} Pasting

2011-01-25T01:34:00.000-08:00

The time here in St. Geezy passes by so slowly.

Sometimes I just want to Go.

then other times I really just want to stay.

If some of you are wondering why I'm here at home instead of finishing another semester at BYUH is for this very reason, which i forgot to announce i think...

My parents were extended a call to be Mission Presidents about a month before I got my call. They don't know where they're going yet, they find out around the end of February.

So I prayed about it, and felt like moving home was good to be able to spend time with them before I leave. =) so here i am babycakes. a little bored and lazy... but also grateful for this tiny window of a break.

OH and did i mention... i also get to see these little munchkins a whole lot more?

Drake

Jett

Huddy

Junebug

Camden & Hudson

(Christmas talent night

all the kids rocked

Santa Claus is coming to town haha)

And Marcus in the middle =)

I couldn't be any luckier =) =)

I love to see the {Temple}... I'll go inside someday

2011-01-25T01:10:00.000-08:00

A place of

Love & Beauty. . .

"I urge our people everywhere, with all of the persuasiveness of which I am capable,

to live worthy to hold a temple recommend,

to secure one and to regard it as a precious asset,

and to make a greater effot to go to the house of the Lord and partake of the spirit and the blessings to be held therein.

I am satisfied that every man or woman who goes to the temple

in a spirit of sincerity and faith

leaves the house of the Lord as a better man or woman.

There is need for constant improvement in all of our lives.

There is need occasionally to leave the noise and tumult of the world

and step within the walls of a sacred house of God,

there to feel His spirit in an environment

of holiness and peace."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

I love to see the temple,

I'm going there. . . .

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

{!!!!}

lovey dovey love love love

2011-01-21T17:40:00.000-08:00

{Be Still}

2011-01-10T11:58:00.001-08:00

I've never been the kind to testify

i don't have the words his truth deserves.

but it's a simple thing he asks,

a worthy heart and willing hands.

He says if i'll make the choice

he'll help me find my voice.

He calls me to serve

and i cannot fail him.

the one who has given me all that i have.

i place my trust in him alone,

he knows the yearnings of my soul

because he believes in me

i will go willingly.

how can i keep this gift to myself

when i can lift somebody else?

i am witness of his miracles and his mercy.

i put my future in his hands

knowing he's made me all i am.

when i put my faith in, the truth begins to speak.

his power is real.

it moves me until i will not

be still.

Lifting the hands that hang down in sorrow.

strengthening knees that bend in despair.

reaching the hopeless hearts

who do not know his love

seeing their lives begin to change

i know i'll never be the same.

How can i keep this gift to myself

when i can lift somebody else?

ill be a witness of his miracles and his mercy.

I put my future in his hands

knowing he's me all i am.

i put my faith in him

and truth begins to speak.

his power is real.

it moves me until i will not

be still.

his power is real

i trust in his will

i will not

be still.

{Wishes} for 2011

2011-01-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

2010, you were a tough one.
I'm not going to lie, I came into 2010 expecting it to be amazing and wonderful and surprising.
and it was the hardest year of my life so far.

My Dearest 2011, here are my goals =D
-Read the scriptures and my patriarchal blessing every day twice a day
-Be more helpful and loving with my family

MISSION GOALS:
Be a missionary that uplifts others
Never think of myself first
Always give people the benefit of the doubt
Obedient to my mission president 100%
NEVER complain
Have a heart full of gratitude everyday for the blessings that I do have
work my hardest to learn the language

I've forgotten to write about what i think about my mission call,
probably because i've been writing in my journal a ton this past week haha.

Before I got my call, i prayed that it would be a place that would make me feel special. I don't know why, but that is what i wanted. I wanted to get a call that would be so exciting and so new and different.

When i opened my call, i was literally in shock for 2 days. All i could think about was Taiwan, and Chinese, and how awesome it is that i get to go there. I was in full-on excited-mission-mode.

Several people have told me "my uncle went there and loved it!"
"my sister-in-laws cousin went there and said it's beautiful"
"My grandpa's nephews best friend's dog lives there and loves it!"

I've also heard:
"i'm not gonna lie Steph, I'm really scared for you."
"chinese is really hard. its the hardest language to learn"
"you're going to starve to death"
"you better learn to like eating scorpion and squid and raw fish"

My mom tells me every day that i'm not going.
My dad finds at least 5 new people to tell every day haha
and my sister Julie writes me as "our little chinese/asian sister".

Here's what i think:

I think that my call is the Lord's way of showing me the potential he sees in me.
I've always always said that the people who get called to Asia are the smartest people i know. And guess what, I'm a B average student. I'm mediocre at like everything, and Spanish or even ENGLISH probably would have been the easier choice.
But my Heavenly Father can see me teaching and growing and learning in a way i didn't know i could. I am soo so soo INCREDIBLY excited to go. My whole mindset on life has changed. I CANNOT wait to drop my life and serve. I know that maybe sometimes i'll miss my awesome life in Hawaii, or the freedom i feel every day now. But i know that this mission will change me, and change my life, and change my whole eternity. These next 18 months will pass no matter what, and there's nothing else in the world i'd rather be doing.

Anyways... since we're talking about 2011 and most of my year will be spent on my mission, those are some thoughts haha.

Quote that sums up my year:

"Don't you quit. You keep walking.

You keep trying.

There is help and happiness ahead.

Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some

don't come until heaven.

But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.

It will be all right in the end.

Trust God, and believe

in good things to come."

-President Thomas S. Monson

Ni Hao Ma?

2010-12-24T16:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Mailman,

Whilst awaiting your arrival on December 23, 2010

I was privileged to receive a phone call from. . . .

Sister Julie Ann Holm!

She is my sister, and is doing amazing as a sister missionary in Rochester, New York.

She got permission from her mission president to call me

because i had been awaiting your arrival with my mission call in tow all day.

She and I had a nice chat about life,

and about how I was feeling before i received your mail.

It was amazing, and i love her tons and tons.

I have also been enjoying calling St. George, Utah home again.

I do miss my Hawaiian home, but it has been wonderful to be home,

to be reminded of all the awesome friends i have here,

and to spend time with my family knowing i won't have to leave them for a while.

I also got to visit some cousins and see some newborn babies

and get some Christmas shopping done for my parents =).

But mainly, i'd like to thank you Mr. Mailman sir.

Thanks for delivering a giant packet full of useful information

and a crazy and unexpected surprise.

The package you brought helped my friends and family join me as i found out that. . .

I have been called to serve for 18 months

in the Taipei, Taiwan mission!

I'm going to be learning Mandarin!!!!!!

I am so very excited to leave on March 30th.

and i'm also excited for you to please deliver

all of the fun letters and packages from my friends and family while i serve.

Thanks for your help in delivering my

crazy/awesome/wonderful/insane

mission call in the mail yesterday.

Love,

the future Sister Stephanie Holm

The Last Hawaiian {Everything}

2010-12-16T00:40:00.000-08:00

let me just say.. for the record..

i have not expressed how incredibly excited i am about receiving a mission call.

believe me, i am!! i promise!!!

School is kicking my butt right now though.. so i can't even focus on it..

and i get my call NEXT WEEK!

sometimes i wake up and continue to ask myself "are you really going to do this?"

"can you do this?" "will every day feel like it's worth it?"

I'm just looking forward knowing that it will be very very hard.

and hopefully it won't be as hard as i'm expecting...

ANYWAYs..

Finals =

one choir concert

one english research paper

one 3 hour long english final

one history research paper

one small english archetype paper (what in the WORLD is an archetype? i've written half a paper and i still don't know....)

one history group presentation

one acting final

one typing of 12 mission prep journals

one mission prep final

and tomorrow i will be one HAPPY CAMPER!

LAdies and gents..

my room is packed (almost.. haha)

it has become a tradition that i listen to Wicked while i pack.

i did it several times in Georgia, Utah and Hawaii.

and i did it again for 2 hours yesterday.

This time while i packed i didn't feel all nostalgic like i normally do.

This move, for once, is peaceful.

I'm not tormenting myself about leaving.

I think in a way i know i'll be back here to graduate.

I'll miss my friends,

but there comes a time when life just needs to move on.

and mine is about to take a big leap of faith, and turn to the Lord.

Because from here on out, he's leading my every step. =)

I've had the time of my life here in Hawaii

and I'll never forget it, and i've cherished every minute just like i planned on doing.

Thank goodness for BYU Hawaii thats all i gotta say

back to finishing finals and packing.......

{Ocean Kisses}

2010-12-15T13:10:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite things about Hawaii is when im laying on th beach and the ocean's beautiful waves crash, and the tiny sprays somehow float up like a saltwater peck on my cheek.
I'll miss this place.

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Dos Estories for you

2010-12-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

STORY #1

Yesterday we took a trip into town to go Christmas Shopping at the Swap Meet.

I took Erin dean/best friend, my hometeacher Curtis Hansen,

and his roommates

Ben, Tade, and Clint.

We packed into the car and had a party.

I got some really cool stuff for me, including a really really cute

sterling silver ring, with a pineapple on it. Ahh its so cute.

Its funny because Erin and i had walked into almost all of the jewelry booths,

but when i walked into this one, i thought

"i'm gonna find something in here that i'm gonna love, and i'll keep it forever."

i usually don't wear jewelry, and if i do, i'm skeptical of what kind.

It's cute and i'm excited.

ok for the story.....

we went to see The Tourist at some theaters in Pearl City.

During the movie, i got up to go to the bathroom,

and changed my seat to sit on the end by the isle (we took up 2 whole rows cause there were tons of people with us by now)

this guy in front of me smelled SOOO Bad like alcohol.

In the middle of the movie, the guy stands up and kinda holds himself up with the chairs around him for about a minute he just stands there. then he sits back down.

2 minutes later he gets up and does it again, for like 2 minutes this time.

Then he stands all the way up, and starts to like stumble across the isle into this other guy.

so the guy kinda helps him up, and he stands up then falls

and SMACKS his head, really hard on an armrest.

SO hard that the whole theater stands up, because it echoed through the whole theater and was louder than the movie.

So the guy is like passed out in the isle, bleeding because he hit so hard,

and we're all trying to figure out what to do.

There were probably only like 20 people in the theater, half of them are my friends haha.

So the medics come, and we explain what happened. and it was terrifying.

Honestly i am scared of drunk people.

Alrighty

STORY #2

I had my mission interview today.

the official interview.

like the stake president's, when i'm done with you it goes to the brethren, interview.

like the, in 10 days i'll receive my call, interview.

which means...

dun duh duh duh duhhhhhh!!!

I'll receive my mission call the day before Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas to me!!!!! =) =)

{Catching Up} **Picture Overload

2010-12-10T19:33:00.000-08:00

First there was our Thanksgiving Feast!

Roommates:

Bree (homemade rolls, green bean casserole)

Steph (Mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, texas sheet cake, lemon bars)

Olivia

Guests:

Erin Dean (Stuffing)

Chris Pfau

Crystal Bates

Ethan Linn (chicken instead of turkey.. they were delicious)

Scott Messick (drinks)

Ariel Leavitt (pumpkin pie)

The company was amazing, the feast was incredible, and we had a jolly good time together.

That night we drove all the way to Mililani to see Tangled too.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, I had to pick up my friends

Curtis Hansen & Clint Calder from the airport.

They spent Thanksgiving "roughing it" in Kauai.

We went into Waikiki and had dinner at CPK and saw all the pretty christmas lights!

We also had a fun beach day at Turtle Bay that Saturday.

We played some sand volleyball and soccer.

& ate some Ted's Bakery for lunch.. mmmmmmmm delectable!

The next weekend,

we found out that the school had spent $30,000 on this semesters

Fall Ball.

They were expecting 600 people

and only 97 had bought tickets the day before.

So we decided to convince a huge group to go.

To be honest, i've never even been asked to a dance. Ever. ha

and i've never been to a formal dance (besides my dance practicum for my social dance class)

I pretty much made Curtis and Clint be my dates haha.

and i saved a whole $3 because Clint bought his ticket with me

we were sort of a "fake couple".

The dance was actually really really fun.

we sang karaoke,

danced the night away,

and had a really good steak dinner.

It was definitely worth it!

I'm so glad i went!

I took a class called the "university chorale"

its the choir class that you don't have to tryout for.

(pre-mission decision, i was planning on taking this class, and then during winter semester tryout for concert choir..)

We had a concert, and these were our

Lovely Hawaiian Costumes =) =) haha

the concert was really fun. i loved the class,

i loved the costumes,

and i love singing, what could be better?

We took Christmas card pictures

and sent them out this weekend!

watch out!! you'll probs be getting one!!

6... count them.. SIX days left in my Hawaiian paradise home.

=( and =) i really don't know how to feel haha

In {Love} with Love

2010-12-02T17:33:00.001-08:00

{Courage}

2010-12-02T14:42:00.000-08:00

"Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God’s approval.
Courage becomes a living and an attractive virtue
when it is regarded not only as a willingness to die manfully,
but also as a determination to live decently.
A moral coward is one who is afraid to do what he thinks is right
because others will disapprove or laugh.
Remember that all men have their fears,
but those who face their fears with dignity
have courage as well.”

-Thomas S. Monson

Brigham {Young}

2010-12-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

“All I have to do is keep my spirit, feelings and conscience like a sheet of blank paper, and let the Spirit and power of God write upon it what He pleases. When He writes, I will read; but if I read before He writes, I am very likely to be wrong."

“When I look upon the faces of intelligent beings I look upon the image of the God I serve. There are none but what have a certain portion of divinity within them; and though we are clothed with bodies which are in the image of our God, yet this mortality shrinks before that portion of divinity which we inherit from our Father."

"The difference between God and the Devil, is that God creates and organizes, while the whole study of the Devil is to destroy."
-Brigham Young

Let's {Focus}

2010-12-02T00:16:00.000-08:00

my posts lately have been really random.. oh well.

Do you know what? I love when I can see answers to my prayers right before my eyes.
Yesterday was a hard day.
Today was a cure for yesterday.

I am allergic to certain foods =(
the type of allergy that isn't necessarily noticeable.
I get extremely irritable, tired, and have tremendous headaches,
along with my stomach cramping for a few hours.

So I'm cutting those foods out... but it will still take a while to feel better =(

Guys... i can't focus on school anymore.
I'm so done with it haha.
I just want to sleep and play all the time.
I only have 16... count them ... SIXTEEN DAYS left in Hawaii.
ohhh goodness me, i don't know what i'm going to do with these next 16 days.

I can't think about leaving too much because it stresses me out.
I can't think about school too much because it stresses me out (and that leaves me never doing my homework... uh oh...)
I can't think about boys because it stresses me out.
I can't think about my mission because it stresses me out.
I can't think about going through the temple because it stresses me out.

What else is there to think about?!?!?!?

I just had Thanksgiving break.. but it was a short break that held me up
then Monday hit and dropped me on my bum.

I just want to get it over with to be honest.
I'm gonna learn to embrace this change.
Because we all know serving a mission
is an awesome reason
to leave school and friends behind
for a short little while.

Keep your fingers crossed
that i can focus enough
not to fail my classes.

{Perhaps}

2010-11-30T22:07:00.000-08:00

Today i said "{perhaps}"

"{perhaps} i need to get up and do something so that i won't be sad."

I woke up feeling a little flustered and confused.

I know that my life is going somewhere great and wonderful...

but the power of discouragement is a great big ball of gravity on my mind sometimes.

some of you may say "you're living the single life!" or "how can you complain when you live in Hawaii?"

So today i tried to be proactive..

i got up, made myself look pretty, and sung at a wonderful devotional.

I also went to a lecture that i usually don't attend.

And came home with nothing left to do until my choir class.

So i sat... and decided i need to stretch to see if it would wake me up.

As i was doing so... this flood of sadness hit me.

Like a giant wave of depression.

Like i'm not good enough, and that nothing i do is anything but mediocre.

Like everyone in the world thinks i'm weird, and so do i.

So i thought of President Hinckley's Dad's letter to him on his mission..

President Hinckley felt useless being on his mission when his family could use his help at home..

so his dad wrote him and said,

"Forget yourself and get to work"

So i stood up,

and decided to make all of my roommate's beds.

{Perhaps} service really is the only answer to sadness.

I also enjoyed a crazy fun conversation in Spanish with Crystal

which made my horribly terrible day so much better.

{Perhaps} one of the best cures for me, is to have my goofy friends come and talk to me

and tell me that life really isn't that bad,

and that i really am good enough

and that (some) people do love me.

So {perhaps} i'll start a little journal of things that i'm grateful for.

i am the youngest of the greatest family on the planet.

i have older brothers sisters who care about me and love me so much.

i have nephews who think i'm cool because i live in hawaii and can pick them coconuts.

i have amazing parents full of advice and prayers on my behalf

my house is nice, has a t.v., tinsel on the windows and christmas lights on the balcony

my bed is super soft and comfy and i can sleep at night

i have an able body that is still as flexible as it was when i danced every day

i go to school at an institution that promotes my standards and helps me be better every day

i have seen a sea turtle, eel, and octopus in real life

i've traveled to portugal, mexico, the caribbean, the bahamas, the dominican republic, and all over the U.S.

i am going to serve for 18 months as a representative of Jesus Christ

I am a member of the only true church on the earth and receive personal counsel from the Lord every day when i seek it.

i have the Holy Ghost and have made and am keeping sacred coven

ants with my heavenly father

i can recall trials that have pushed me to be better, so i know that the ones i go through are for a reason, and i'm so so grateful to know that, and to have become better and not worse.

i am grateful for unselfish people who don't do things just to gain things, but are sincere.

i am grateful for long talks with people about anything at all

i'm grateful for the boys who tell me i look pretty when i feel so ugly

and so many other things..

thats it for now =)

i hope you all stay happy

and {perhaps} we'll make it out alive after all.

... and {Perhaps} I'll watch a Disney movie tonight =D

look what i found.... hahahaha

{Good is good enough}

2010-11-30T15:50:00.000-08:00

I sung at the devotional this morning with the University Chorale.

It was really scary but really fun.

It's funny because i thought that i was smiling and singing with my face and everything..

but... apparently not

like 6 people came up to me after and said they thought it was way funny

i hardly moved my mouth and had no emotion on my face.

i guess that's what happens when i get nervous? haha oh well.. thats embarrassing.

Anyways.. good is good enough. at least i did it right?

hefs happiness

2010-11-29T15:05:00.001-08:00

Do you know whats making me happy today?

Christmas music

And having my professor come into the cage.. saying hes grading our papers. I said "im really sorry i havent turned mine in" and he said "youre fine..just turn it in tomorrow to me sometime. Its a freebee" its a week late.. today is awesome!!

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Fix you up

2010-11-24T19:52:00.000-08:00

sometimes this is the theme of my day:

"we'll get you fixed up in no time"

Thanks Tegan & Sara

30 things

2010-11-23T15:00:00.001-08:00

and i've been seeing a lot of high school kids doing this 30 things thing lately..

and it made me want to do one..
so i'm gonna geek out and be a little high school today.

1. speaking of high school... i honestly don't miss it at all.

2. What i do miss is dancing ballet all the time.

3. I feel like i didn't do a lot in high school, but its completely the opposite for college experiences. I've tried TONS of things.
> cheerleading/dance team
> ceramics/pottery
> acting
> singing
> geography
> sewing

4. Now for this one i'll say that because of #3, i find a lot of comfort in what i've accomplished so far in life. its a big deal for me to feel like i've lived a good life. And so far i feel like i'm doing alright.

5. I think about my mission ALL the time. it goes up and down like CRAZY. one day i'll be soo pumped and ready and just wanting to go, the next i'll just be like "maybe i'll just meet a guy.. and then i won't have to go.. " this is why i haven't told a lot of people that i'm going and announced it to the world. But i'm going to start being excited.

6. I care a lot about whether people think i'm a nice person. When i find out someone doesn't like me, i usually try really hard to make them like me. i think its important to care if people think you're nice.

7. I still LOVE watching movies.

8. Listening to music whilst cleaning is the BEST thing ever.

9. I absolutely love have a calling in the church. I still have 3, and it is such a huge blessing!! it keeps me busy and i've gotten to know almost everyone in my ward.

10. I still want to go to culinary school, and also hair school. I wish i had a million dollars to spend on my education haha

11. I have this weird thing.. where i feel like i'm being watched all the time. Not like being stalked or anything, just that i never feel alone. It's almost comforting. It's probably from that LDS saying "you are not alone" haha i really took that to heart.

12. I still hate facebook. I love looking at everyone's pictures though, and i think thats why i still have my account haha

13. My roommate Bree and I made a calendar of December activities!!! I only have 3 weeks left in Hawaii for 2 years, so its gonna be CRAZY fun!!!

we've included ice skating, swap meet christmas shopping, decorating the house, and having a baking night.. to name a few =)

14. I still think Friends the t.v. show is hilarious, even after watching the episodes hundreds of times i laugh out loud.

15. I love when we have traditions. Like baking brownies every night, or going to Haleiwa Eats, or having christmas movie marathons. i have certain friends that i do certain things with and i LOVE it. Friends who i play clue, and go to a frozen yogurt place with. Friends who i watch modern family, and play catch phrase, and play in Waikiki (pronounced why- KEE- kee) with. Its wonderful.

16. I love Country and Church music the most.

17. I can't wait to be married, but i also know that my single life right now is the only time left in my eternal existence that i will have to myself. So i'm enjoying it =)

18. I love wearing socks. They make me feel super cozy.

19. I want to make a quilt out of all the T-shirts i've collected. I have shirts from high school that say Chattahoochee on them, and shirts from all over Oahu, and girls camp, and tons of stuff that i've done. (i know she has one on Twilight.. and though i am a fan.. i had this idea before the movie came out haha)

20. I work in the "cage"/ EXS issue room where we give out exercise clothes and equipment. I wash dirty sweaty clothes and fold them and give out the clothes and clean the wrestling mats. I L.O.V.E this job. I know it sounds weird.. but i love how social it is. I've gotten to know all the people in the EXS classes and the sports teams and some of the faculty. and i love how busy i am most of the time (it gets boring too.. but at least i'm not sitting at a desk all day). I'm really sad to be leaving because i'll miss my job haha.

21. My favorite color is purple. Like a periwinkle purply lavender. Love Love Love

22. my fingernail polish is red right now, its festive and i've decided to be really excited about christmas this year.

23. I had extensions in my hair, and just got them out a few days ago. My hair is thinning really really bad........ so bad that the lady who took them out said, "so how old are you? 30?" SERIOUSLY?!?! i'm 21 lady!!

24. I really want to learn spanish or chinese on my mission.

25. this thing has taken me a week to finish

26. I'm really nervous about living in St. George again. I don't have a lot of friends there.

27. My sister Melissa just had her 2nd baby. Now each of my married siblings have 2 kids. I look up to them SOO much. Probably more than they know. Melissa just posted a lot of blog posts with tons of pictures and she just seems so happy being a mom. I can't wait to be married and have kids.

28. Going through the temple is going to be the second biggest (the first being my wedding day of course!) day of my life. I have thought about this day since i can remember. I will probably cry my eyes out.

29. I love my parents more than life itself. They are who I want to be and I am a better person because I'm their daughter.

30. Total Eclipse of the Heart(Glee Version), The Curse of Curves (Cute is What We Aim For), If I Fail (Cartel), It's All Coming Back To Me (Celine Dion), Bust Your Windows (Glee Version), and Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) ... you made first term and fall semester car rides Epic and Wonderful.

Hey! you made it through all 30 =D thanks for reading =)=)

Secrets in the Telling

2010-11-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

Today is a good day.
and worked all day long with 1 hour in-between

i called my sister in law candice today
my whole family is freaking out
"YOU DIDN'T EVEN CALL US TO SAY
YOU ARE GOING ON A MISSION!!"
Uhm.. hi.. everyone who reads my blog knew way before you guys...
i kept it a secret from my family..
but sadly i know they don't read my blog
(except grandma and melissa =)
so i talked about it on here a month before they found out
haha suckas.

anyways..
my nephews want a coconut and remote control car from Hawaii for Christmas this year.
Apparently Camden cares a lot about what he wears to school
he has to look good or the kids make fun of him.
and who picks him up from school
his ride can't make them look ridiculous.
hahaha
i can't wait to get to be around them!!

HALEIWA EATS TONIGHT!!
then FHE woot woot =) =)

So sick its ill

2010-11-20T20:11:00.000-08:00

guys....

i'm really sick.

like.. i don't think i've ever EVER been this sick.

It started slowly with my mom coming

and taking midterms,

then i stayed up til 3AM to see the new Harry Potter

(HOLY MOly that movie is AWESOME & terrifying)

((i have to read the book now, because i'll be on my mission when the 2nd half comes out =( ))

And when i woke up the next morning....

it struck.

Headaches,

stiff, achy achy body,

stuffy nose,

ahhhhhhhhhh

i'm soo sick.

I moved my mattress out to the living room,

watched movies and slept all day

at chicken noodle soup

and took loads of pills.

and Gee Double You,

i'm not getting better.

{cutie patootie}

2010-11-19T15:33:00.000-08:00

It couldn't get any cuter than this.

Miss {Sister} Holm

2010-11-18T22:11:00.000-08:00

Mission Update:

Papers are completely done.

Submitted to the bishop.

The dedication of the Laie temple is this Sunday,

so there will be no church meetings,

therefore i have to wait until the following week to meet with my bishop about the papers.

Then he sends them on to the stake president.

Once the stake president ok's them,

they get sent to Salt Lake.

So hopefully, hopefully, hopefully,

if everything goes smoothly,

I should have my call in a month..

hopefully.

I'm excited!!

{Drake Matthew Harrison}

2010-11-18T21:57:00.000-08:00

One month from today,

I get to meet this new little guy =)

He was born yesterday afternoon

...

yesterday was a VERY hectic day for me

I almost couldn't see straight

thinking about how much I wanted to be there

everything ended sweetly though=)

He just has a boy quality about him huh?

and he's sooo handsome!

Welcome to the world and our family little baby Drake!!!!

Your aunt steph loves you so

P.S. HP TOnight!!! woot woot!!!!

{sick} & tired

2010-11-17T00:32:00.000-08:00

I'm tired.

and may or may not have taken a three hour nap in the middle of the day today.

AND may or may not have driven my car in the middle of it... without really remembering.. only feeling like i was REALLy tired and wanted to get back to my bed.

My mom came to visit me last week =)

i stayed in Waikiki for most of the week and had a BLAST with her.

it was so relaxing and fun. we really didn't do a whole lot,

but just the fluffy beds and the A/C was enough for me!

plus i got to keep the hotel room an extra night and have some friends come stay,

that was the cherry on top of an awesome week.

unfortunately i have been getting really really sick.

i really haven't been sick in a long time.

but i think its going around.

it started the day my mom got here,

and got progressively worse with the whole eating out all the time

and my sleep schedule changing so much.

i have a headache, a swollen neck, an ear infection (so i stumble all over the place and feel super dizzy)

and a tired TIRED aching body.

and i'm really ornery all the time too so thats fantastic. haha

I've driven into Waikiki like 7 times in the past week.

Erin and i took a random trip to cheesecake last night

and tonight some friends got stranded at costco in town so i took some friends with me,

picked them up,

and we went to Chili's for din din.

I got on one of my sugar highs.. and laughed at everything

and i really think people thought i was drunk.

i embarrass myself a lot, but i figure i don't really need to grow up yet, right?

on the MUSICAL side of my life haha

i led my ward choir (who are SOOO awesome!!) in the song

"my heavenly father loves me" at our ward conference this past Sunday.

its a BEAUTIFUL arrangement, and they honestly did so good.

I was a little nervous, but we had practiced a lot.

and when we all sat down i looked up and the bishopric and the stake presidency were all crying. so thats a good thing haha

also, the university chorale that i'm in is singing in devotional

in 2 weeks.

i found out today that we're singing the song that everyone hates.

its called "ye shall have a song" and pretty much just repeats that line the whole time...

ugh..

we're singing like SIX beautiful songs.. i have no idea why she chose that one...... ugh. oh well

Another happy happy thing!!

MELISSA is due any minute to have her little boy!!!!!

yay for 5 nephews and a niece.. they are the sugar on top of my fab life!!!

i can't wait to move home and be so close to my whole family.

it will be so crazy to not feel like i'm missing out on the whole family life

and missing eating out

and living on the mainland

and being able to travel long distances without turning around

I get sick to my stomach about leaving hawaii

and it gives me anxiety because i really really don't want to.

but i have to progress and we know this.

anyways.. loves! this was a long post haha

I'm {Grateful} too

2010-11-11T20:24:00.001-08:00

Want to know what I'm thankful for?

First and foremost, this wonderfully beautiful and amazing mother of mine.

She's here visiting me and it is seriously just so nice.

its an escape of my own reality in the place that is my reality..

does that make sense?

We have these nice talks about our family

and about how things are just changing a lot in our family.

I'm also grateful for these people

...

This was our family trip to Hawaii.

They all came to drop me off for college,

there has been 3 additions to the family since then haha..

and they will be visiting this Christmas helping me leave this place.

They came when i came,

and they'll be right by my side as i leave.

and that's how life is isn't it?

My family means everything to me.

I've stressed SO much about how scared i am to have to come home from my mission.

I get attached, as you probably well know,

and i just... well i KNOW that it will be hard for me to come home.

but then the other day i called my sister Melissa.

When i hung up the phone i realized i'm still coming home to my family

and this gigantic whoosh of peace filled my mind and my heart.

Oh how i'm grateful for them.

these guys are stuck with me forever =)

i hope they're as happy about it as i am haha

{Hometeacher} Hometeachee

2010-11-06T20:37:00.001-07:00

a picture is worth a thousand words.

i'll just say 4.

we went to Costco.

3 more.

it was epic.

The {girl} who can't be moved

2010-11-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

"cause if one day you wake up

and find that you're missing me..."

i've just been sitting here...

in the Reading/Writing Center at school

with my best friend Erin

watching Christmas Movies on this rainy day

it's really just an awesome day.

and then i saw this music video and realized something... its kind of sad..

but i'll just be honest.

I haven't let go, because if i do,

my life will lose a lot of meaning,

and i'll lose all that passion for life that i felt with you.

I'll lose meaningful things i've been waiting to say and feel.

"it seems like nothing's happened..

until i've shared them with you"

i've still been waiting to talk.

i honestly don't know if i'll ever stop waiting.

i hope that's ok. if not, then i really am crazy.

that's ok with me i guess.

one day things will be different.

Just a little.

2010-11-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

I'm freaking out. but just a little.

Did you know that making life-changing decisions is REALLY hard?

I'm focusing on school,

I'm trying to prepare to move home,

I'm looking forward to preparing for a mission,

but i'm freaking out.

Because i dont want anything to change, but i know it has to.

I don't want to move away,

i LOVE hawaii.. and its really true that you never know how much you love something

until you don't have it anymore.

what will i do without the beach?

without my best friends?

without the casa?

without playing clue every night?

without my awesome job?

I've been thinking about leaving a lot.

Life has been so good lately,

but the important thing is....

I will be so much happier if i do what I'm supposed to do.

Life's still good.

and sometimes the Grass isn't always Greener. Its just green everywhere.

Sunday Journal Time =)

2010-10-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

Because...

Because he walked with man

i know the way

because he calmed the raging storm

i'm not afraid

because he made the leper clean

he can make me whole

because he called his sheep by name

i know i'm not alone

because he was condemned

i am redeemed

because he broke the chains of death

i am free

because he bowed beneath all things

he lifted me above

because he shed his blood for me

i know his love

and i will praise forever

the savior of the world

and i will sing together

with all the saints on earth

because he gave to me

everything

he had to give

i breathe,

i see,

i hope,

i love,

i live.

because he conquered death

i'll live again

because he is my constant friend

i'll follow him

because he wants to ease my pain

he makes my burdens sweet

and when he comes to earth again

i'll kneel before his feet

and i will praise forever

the savior of the world

and i will sing together

with all the saints on earth

because he gave to me

everything

he had to give

i breathe,

i see,

i hope,

i love

and i will praise forever

the savior of the world

and i will sing together

with all the saints on earth

because he gave to me

everything

he had to give

i breathe,

i see,

i hope,

i love

i breathe,

i see,

i hope,

i love

i live.

All Hallows.. what?

2010-10-30T00:28:00.000-07:00

It doesn't feel like Halloween =( and its one of my favorite holidays =(

boooo.

TwM

2010-10-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Tuesdays With Morrie

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent.
Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience
penetrate you.
On the contrary,
you let it penetrate you fully.
That's how you are able to leave it.

If you hold back on the emotions-
if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them -
you can never get to being detached,
you're too busy being afraid.
You're afraid of the pain,
you're afraid of the grief,
you're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

But by throwing yourself into these emotions,
by allowing yourself to dive in,
all the way,
over your head even,
you experience them fully and completely.
You know what pain is.
You know what love is.
You know what grief is.
And only then can you say,
'All right. I have experienced that emotion.
I recognize that emotion.
Now i need to detach from that emotion for a moment.

When you learn how to die,
you learn how to live.

Okay. This is fear.
step away from it.
step away."

The best forwarded e-mail i've ever recieved.

2010-10-28T16:56:00.000-07:00

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Error! Filename not specified.

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . ...

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Have a Happy Period?

{Over} the Rainbow

2010-10-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

Play the song while reading haha

it'll give the full effect i think.

Can you see it?

After my Mission Prep class,

I get in my car, and turn on my i-pod,

Ingrid Michaelson starts singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

and then i pass the temple.. and see a beautiful Hawaiian rainbow.

=) Happy Thursday

Lots & {Lots} of thinking.......

2010-10-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

I was reading my blog from April & May..

and to be honest i remember being a lot more sad than i seemed from my blogging haha

that made me happy,

but......

sometimes i just want to ask him.

"why do you hate me so much now?" ugh i wish i knew.

Life..

is handing me bushels of both lemons and strawberries.

don't worry... i'm making strawberry lemonade and enjoying the sweetness =)

"Accept what you are able to do, and what you are not able to do."

"Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it."

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life.

They seem half asleep,

even when they're busy doing things they think are important.

This is because they are chasing the wrong things.

The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself

to loving others,

devote yourself to your community around you,

and devote yourself to creating something that

gives you purpose and meaning."

"The most important thing in life

is to learn how to give out love,

and to let it come in."

-Tuesdays with Morrie

{oh the only way to really know... }

2010-10-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

cute wittle kitty

2010-10-25T00:20:00.001-07:00

These may or may not be the cutest pictures ever taken.

2010-10-24T23:48:00.000-07:00

And i may or may not be the luckiest aunt ever. just sayin...

Sunday Journal Time =)

2010-10-24T14:50:00.000-07:00

Ps Happy Fall =)

I guess all I can say is that I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true.

And i don't know it because my parents do,

or my siblings,

or because my leaders have been telling me that all my life.

I know because i've experienced it first-hand.

I've prayed and prayed and experimented with prayer,

and seen how everything people say it's cracked up to be, it is, and much much more.

I know that the temple is a sacred place,

and is the most sacred place on earth, and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ

visit their sacred homes on earth.

I know that Heavenly Father is trying every day for us to listen to him,

and find out what he wants us to do.

So.... here is my announcement, and some reasons for it.

(i'm keeping this a secret from my mom, so don't tell her ;) haha she doesn't read this very often..... so hopefully no one tells her to get on and read it. if i find out anyone did, i'ma gonna be real mad.)

I'm going on a MISSION!!!

If you've kept up with my blog, you've seen that i've been struggling a lot with what i was going to do with my life.

I wanted to do something else. because Hawaii just hasn't felt right this semester.

And i knew the Lord was pushing me to ask him for an answer.

So i prayed and worked on some stuff, and the answer eventually came.

It was short, simple, sweet, and miraculous.

and every day since i've felt this entirety of peace with the decision.

There is a reason for everything.

and a LOT of things that have happened in the past year

have prepared me for this decision.

I'll be done with my papers in about 2-3 weeks and hopefully

get my call before the semester ends in December.

I'm going to move home with my parents in St. George until i leave,

so FINALLY i get to be closer to my family for a little while!! yay!

so whoever reads this Sunday Journal today

number 1, don't you dare tell my momma!!

number 2, i would tell you that you should pray and ask if you're doing what heavenly father wants for you right now.

and number 3, keep this sabbath day holy =)! haha

Happy Sabbath Sunday!

*Favorite Things

2010-10-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

{Creativity in journaling}

2010-10-22T17:41:00.001-07:00

"Those who keep a book of remembrance keep the Lord in their remembrance."

"The most important word in the gospel is "remember"."

HOly SpagHEtti gUYs...

i am so blessed.. and i'll tell you why.

I have 3 callings (still...) and one is the enrichment committee chair.

Soo.. i have to organize all of the enrichment activities and delegate assignments.

We had an activity last night.

it was supposed to be epic,

we were gonna do some speed dating, and have a journaling workshop.

instead only 7 girls showed up,

so we just did the journaling workshop.

We are so lucky to have miss Ambree Klemm in our ward.

she volunteered to do the workshop.

She did study abroad last semester in VIENNA.

and took a journaling class.

Let me just tell you.. it was one of the BEST enrichments i've ever been to.

It only lasted about 45 minutes, and we didn't really do anything but listen.

But it has completely changed my outlook on writing in my journal.

MY EXPERIENCES:

I've kept a journal (literally written in it every single month) since i was in 5th grade.

i've completely completed about 5-6 journals.

Also i know the kind of effect a journal can have on posterity.

When i visited my grandma over the summer, she showed me a little journal that my great grandmother kept, and just to see her handwriting was the coolest thing ever.

Another experience is when i lived in Georgia my mom and i got super close.

we would have long talks about dating and what my mom did when she was young,

and how she felt about different things. I am so lucky.

anyways she told me about her life, and that felt like she was reading her journal to me.

My mom has also told me really cool spiritual experiences she's had, and was reminded of after going back and reading her journals.

CREATIVITY:

During Ambree's little schpeel, she told us how she gets creative with her journal.

A rule her professor gave her with their journals was: no lines. the pages had to be completely blank.

Throughout her trip in Vienna, she would do different things:

~take a napkin from a restaurant she liked, describe the place or rate the food ON the napkin, then glue it in her journal.

~put in stickers

~take a postcard from places

~ticket stubs

~receipts (to remember how much things cost)

~maps

~she made a calendar and glued it in with all her plans (to remember what days she did things)

~have a friend write something like a story in it

~movie reviews

~magazine cut outs

~funny Facebook statuses

~song lyrics

~poems

~quotes

~scriptures

~press flowers in

LISTS:

~baby names

~good recipes

~goals (and report on them later to stay accountable)

~when i'm a mom what i will/won't do

~happy list

~things i hate

~favorites

~shopping lists (if i had $1 million i would buy...)

or entries like

"today i'm wearing, doing, watching.."

~~or every time you want to write in your journal, you can find a journal prompt online.

like an example would be "write about butter" and Ambree's turned into an old cute childhood memory about mac and cheese and baking cookies.

Anyways... i'm changing the way i write in my journal.

and i'm really excited about it!

I think anywhere i go, i'll just collect a little thing like a napkin or something

and then write about it in my journal with a little thing to remember it.

it'll be awesome!!

ALSO,

remember! blogging is a way of journaling, and the website you have you will never lose because the internet will be here forever, so be creative on your blog too!!

(i need to be better at that haha)

It could help us see AND enjoy the little things in life =)

HAPPY ALOHA FRIDAY =) =)

Parachute/Enjoy =)

2010-10-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

{Fall}

2010-10-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

Dearest Fellow Bloggers,

I love Fall.

and i know a lot of you do too.

I love how Hawaii feels different, even though its the same season all year round.

It gets a little colder, and the days feel beautiful.

My sweet mom sent me a Halloween package a few days ago.

Included was a caramel apple kit.

so i bought some chocolate, and rice krispies

and made thee best caramel apples in the world!! hahah thanks mommasita! =)

i love pumpkin carving

buying school supplies

finding halloween costumes

eating pumpkin bread and cookies

baking (its the holiday season again!! woot woot)

and college life is thee best life ever right now!! =)

i hope you're enjoying your Fall as well.

I Love to See/Clean the Temple =) I'm going there someday (soon!!!)

2010-10-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

Do you see this Beautifully magnificent building?

My roommate and about 25 other students

spent the morning working on the grounds

cleaning it up for the open house that starts tomorrow.

and do you see that beautiful reflection pool?

We cleaned the tile in it with Pumice Stones

So i spent a beautiful morning in the reflection pool of the temple cleaning the tile.

An amazing way to start my day =)

90/10

2010-10-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

"The longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
it is more important than the past, the education, the money,
than circumstances, than failure, than successes,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
It will make or break a company... a church...
a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past...
we cannot change the fact that
people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me
and 90% of how i react to it.
and so it is with you...
we are in charge of our attitudes."

-Charles R. Swindoll

Its for {reals} this time

2010-10-14T21:20:00.001-07:00

HAPPINESS:
good fortune; pleasure; contentment; JOY

I got my answer this morning,
and the process has begun.

Desire.

2010-10-14T01:36:00.000-07:00

DESIRE: an expressed wish.

a longing or craving for something that brings

satisfaction and/or enjoyment.

. . . . . . . .

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weight thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."
-Dinah Craik

Action = {Reaction}

2010-10-12T21:11:00.001-07:00

Devotional was good today.

I loved how in the opening prayer the guy prayed for all of us to receive comfort with the things we're struggling with.

I totally fell apart during the musical number.. i have cried at every devotional during Fall.

I'm a cry baby and have been all year.

Well ladies and gents...

i've started my mission papers

AND on top of that

I've talked to my sister Julie (who's on a mission in NY)

she wants me to do a mini-mission and go stay a few weeks with her there.

That would be AMAZING. I'm going to do everything I can to do it.

ALSO

I want to go to BYU Jerusalem. I'm going to apply in a few weeks.

I want to get away from BYU Hawaii for a while.

I love it here, like more than i can even say.

I don't want to leave.

I feel like i've made more awesome friends,

and done more crazy things and just lived

better now than i ever have since coming here.

But there's other things calling my name

and i really really just don't want to hold back just because i love it and have gotten comfortable.

I'm still pretty lonely too.

I want someone to cuddle with and tell me I'm beautiful.

There's nothing wrong with that, right?

That's what i should want at this point in my life.

So i'm living, and helping, and serving, and trying,

and growing.

But i'm going to go and add experiencing/experimenting

to the list.

Ya'll should give me your opinion on what i should do.

(i know prayer is also involved.. i just want to know what YOU would do if you were me.

ps keep in mind, i'm halfway through my undergrad.. haven't started my full on major classes and its the perfect time to go have fun before i dive in.)

Jerusalem

Mini-Mission

18 Month Mission

transfer to Provo

or something else?

{BreakEven}

2010-10-12T01:53:00.001-07:00

Like a handprint on my {Heart}

2010-10-11T00:15:00.001-07:00

Sunday Journal: (for miss deany weeny)

I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason.

I believe that i meet the people that i do for reasons that i will either know right away, or find out later.

I know that I am living the life i am for a reason.

I know that my heavenly father knows so many things about me that i don't know.

I know that when i pray at night, i only catch a glimpse of the immense gratefulness he has of me for asking his advice, opinion, and revelation on what i need to do to please him.

I've been focusing too much on me. Too little on service. Too much on imperfections, and too little on optimism.

I don't tell my friends enough how much they mean to me.

How much they lift me and help me and show me how to be better.

I haven't told my siblings how their criticisms and opinions shaped me into me.

I haven't told my parents that their decision to give me my agency throughout my life has blessed me tremendously.

I haven't thanked all those leaders that have cheered me on, and shown that they cared about what I did, even when I didn't.

Anyways.. thanks for reading guys.. whoever you are.

I'm glad someone cares =)

and i hope you're happy

and i hope you're doing more good in the world

than i have been doing lately...

=) keep on keepin on

trashy to {Beautiful}

2010-10-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

I think you're pretty

without any makeup on

i think you're funny

when you tell the punch line wrong

i knew you got me

when you let your walls come down

down

before you met me

i was alright but things were kinda heavy

you brought me to life

now every February you'll be my valentine

valentine

let's just talk all through the night

there's no need

to rush

we can dance

until we die

you and i

will be young forever

you make me feel like i'm living a

teenage dream

the way you turn me on

i can't sleep

lets run away

and don't ever look back

don't ever look back

my heart stops

when you look at me

just one touch

now baby i believe

this is real

so take a chance

and don't ever look back

don't ever look back

when you're around me

life's like a movie scene

i wasn't happy

until you became my queen

i finally found you

my missing puzzle piece

i'm complete

let's just talk all through the night

there's no need

to rush

we can dance

until we die

you and i

will be young forever

you make me feel like i'm living a

teenage dream

the way you turn me on

i can't sleep

lets run away

and don't ever look back

don't ever look back

my heart stops when you look at me

just one touch

now baby i believe

this is real

so take a chance and don't ever look back

don't ever

i will get your heart racing

in this teenage dream

if that's what you need tonight

let you rest your head on me

if thats what you need

in this teenage dream tonight

tonight tonight tonight

tonight

Deep Thinking

2010-10-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

My friends Bree, Erika and I are watching A Walk To Remember =)

whilst watching, we were discussing proposals and how we want to be proposed to.

(haha I'm such a loser but oh well...)

dear future husband,

#1 we will fall in lub with each other. #2 you should get to know my best friends. #3 There will be something important that they will have to say to you for when you decide to propose to me. It is vital that they tell you this information, because if you don't find out in time to propose, i will be vastly disappointed.

Love,

your babycakes

haha

also, i came up with a good quote today

We were talking about relationships and how i don't agree with the phrase,

"it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"

and then i said,

"you can wish things into your life, but you can't wish them out"

it's pretty deep and thoughtful, yes? i thought so.

Happy Aloha Wednesday =)

{I} Love them i {LOVE} them i love {THEM}

2010-10-06T20:59:00.000-07:00

goodness gracious i'm the luckiest aunt in the world.

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

2010-10-02T02:03:00.001-07:00

Save the Drama for Your Mama

2010-10-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

Skipping class to write papers...

and I'm blogging.

haha excellent... let's see what i have to say...

- it's OCTOBER already!!!! holy flipping moly that is insane.

-have i ever told you fellow bloggers how amazing my house is? every night we have like 10 people over watching a movie and making treats or playing games. It's seriously a party every night at the casa... even on school nights. i get from 3-5 hours of sleep every night haha... i make up for it on the weekends so no worries.

-speaking of casa adventures.. we're having a scary movie marathon leading up to Halloween!

(we also do that for the 25 days of Christmas in December)

-the temple re-opens soon!!! i am sooo excited to help out with the tours and to go to the open house and go do baptisms. Some friends want to do weekly baptisms, and i am so down.

-The temple re-opening kind of just reminds me of the huge decisions i'm making right now. But its more of a blessing because i know going to do baptisms and being in the temple will bring me some kind of special revelation.

and lastly but definitely not leastly....

The Salsa Hula will help me get my man. =)

Lovelys

2010-09-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

You guys are the bees knees. Seriously life would be dull and i would be sad and lonely without all of you. Thanks so so much for being my friends and listening and dealing with my craziness. You'll really never know how much I love you!

ASHLEY YOU ARE ON THERE TOO.. you already read this post.. sorry dude.. i kept thinking "who the heck am i forgetting???" i forgot you =( lets have a water fight and make up.

I've got some yellow liquid for your popcorn....

2010-09-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

~I talked to my mom today.

Crazy story about family history!

she found one of her cousins sons lives in Palmyra where my sister Julie is serving her mission. Sunday morning my mom had told Julie to go and visit him, THAT afternoon he and his family went on a tour where she gives them. She asked what his name was at the end and when he told her she started to cry and it made him cry (but he didn't know why he was crying) then she said, "my mom told me literally today about you and i was going to come see you! you're my cousin!" and he said he was relieved because he didn't know anyone on that side of his family was active in the church. pretty freaking amazing.. PLUS she didn't get transferred last week.. coincidence? i think not.

~I also talked to my mom about a mission.

So here's the deal with me. If you are a constant "stephbloggerreader" then you should know that i am very indecisive.

I went to talk to my amazing bishop on Sunday. He set up my papers online so now all i have to do is fill them out. I could start my mission papers TODAY if i wanted to. So i think what i'll basically do is start them and see how i feel. Because if Heavenly Father knows there is someone i could decide to date and marry and he isn't far, then he'll interfere, and if not then a mission is what's in his plan. It feels like i'm trying to trick heavenly father into giving me an answer when i should really just make the stupid decision. Its not stupid its a great decision, its just a big one.

~There is a new religion professor here at BYU Hawaii teaching Eternal Marriage. His name is Doug Brinley and he's my 2nd cousin (my dad's first cousin). My roommate Ali is taking his class so I went with her to say hi to him. he gave me a big hug and told me i look like a Holm and he could spot me a mile away. He said "i haven't seen you since you were this high". My heart jumped haha I ache for that kind of family while i'm here in Hawaii. I'm so happy he's here!

~My 3 callings in my ward (choir director, enrichment committee chair, rs pianist) are going splendidly. I had the first 2 choir practices this week and i had a pretty good turn out.. about 6 or 7 people haha. We're going to sing The Olive Tree in a couple Sundays and i have to pick out a good song for the Musical fireside in a couple months.

~I collect the "willow tree" figurine things. The first one i got was in Nauvoo and it was the "hold dear to the promise of love" one. I went to the mall the other day to see Easy A with my family (holy crap guys this is the funniest movie ever!! "Ooh you sharpen that pencil.. oh is it sharp? is it sharp?" lol so good) and while we were wasting time i bought another one. I have a ton at home, but this is the first and only one i have here in Hawaii. =)

This one's called "Surrounded By Love"

(do you like the headband? I was getting ready this morning and 2 of my guy friends were here and they told me i looked good.... so i wore it and i've been getting compliments all day haha but i still don't know if i like it)

****************************** Meet: BETTY *************************************

I bought her a week ago in Kaneohe. She is my baby and I love her oh so much.

She's white, and has tan leather interior

'97 Nissan Maxima

Tape player, CD player, Radio,

even the cigarette lighter works!

AND she has A/C. oh baby baby

yep those are Sheep skin front seats.

It's like driving whilst sitting on a recliner

She's my cute little Grandma car

My little Orangutan

Weston (my best friend from Georgia), his brother Landon & I

won him at the Nickelcade in Provo the day before Weston left on his mission =)

Nice roomy leather back seats.

She has broken down on me once or twice and i'm working on getting that fixed. all she does is lose some kind of connection, its an electrical problem.

so i'll be driving, she'll kind of sputter and then turn off

but she continues to coast always so i can get her off the road

so she's still safe and i still love her with her little temper.

Today's a good day and i hope all of you guys are having a good one as well!

loves =)

Beauty & the {good} stuff

2010-09-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Beauty = no classes on Mondays for 4 months

Beauty = feeling great about my job and co-workers

Beauty = a weekend of fantastically fun adventures with friends

Beauty = a picnic in my bedroom under the fan because Hawaii is hot today

Beauty = watching bits and pieces of You've Got Mail (my favorite) all day long

to keep the joy continuous

Beauty = Kaneohe to test drive cars and buy one today

Beauty = 5 activities involving my ward this week

Beauty = having 3 callings and loving all of them equally

Beauty = friends i can trust and talk to

Beauty = amazing new roommates who will probs become my best friends

Beauty = a new look on life

I Love the Fall

I'm so stoked for it

and I also am thinking about maybe next year

(if i don't serve a mission... ps i'm a little iffy about it)

i want to put my life on hold and

move to New York for the Fall just for kicks and giggles

Anyways.. I'm off to get the baby i've always wanted!!!!

Pictures to come soon =)

loves

and {so} it begins... again...

2010-09-16T14:38:00.001-07:00

FALL

Acting
Singing
Dancing
History
Religion
& English

PARtY

My schedule got all messed up my first day yesterday
so that was stressful.
I pretty much had to re-make the whole thing. not fun.
And so now i'm taking random classes
and the only classes i really need are English & History
but the others will be WAY fun anyways =)

Plus i have a job now.. this is the first time i've worked
and taken a full semester of classes. ever.
I'm a little nervous, but i think i'll be ok.

Anyways.. we got 2 new roommates in our house.
they seem pretty cool.
I'm also getting a scooter so that i can make it to my 7:30 class
or my 7Am shifts in the mornings.

on another note...
i'm a little distant and lonely right now.
Nothing is really off... i've got a few options that will be pretty life changing
floating around in my head right now..
but it's not that really... i dont know what it is... i'm just lonely.
and i don't really want to date.
and i'm making a bunch of new friends and i'm happy
but you can be happy and lonely at the same time.
and that's what i am.
We'll see how the semester goes....

=)

Birthday Trip {Home}

2010-09-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

On Monday, August 30, my mom told me i was flying home.
I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to have my parents visit me,
or go see my whole family.
so my momma decided for me =)

Wednesday Sept 1st I flew home around 8pm

Thursday:
Mom picked me up around 9AM
Miracle Mile Mall on the strip in Vegas
TONS of birthday shopping with my mom =THE BEST DAY EVER =)
my mom is amazing. and i love her so.

Thursday night i hung out with Jazmin!! got to hear all about
her amazing summer as an EFY counselor =)
Alex met up with us and we saw Knight & Day
Then got some bad news during the movie and left
Alex and I stayed up talking
a nice little catch up
I'm bummed we've only been friends a few months =(

Friday morning:
FAMILY BUS to SLC
Stayed in the hotel we used to stay in when i was little in Murray.
The indoor pool is exactly the same, the lobby is the same,
same old elevator, same parking lot,
same Dell Taco across the street
the only thing that's changed is the name of the hotel, like 6 times haha

We picked up my sister Melissa and saw Jef,
we ate at Dell Taco

Saturday:
woke up early and went to Hogle Zoo
It was basically me, and the married's with their children.
I miss my single sibs!!!
The kids were crazy the whole time
we almost lost Marcus
And i was ornery pretty much the whole trip haha
but the monkeys were my favorite part =)

Then we went to Gateway to let the kids play on the splashpad
and dinner at Applebee's

Sunday:
Went to church at my g-ma's ward
same old building my mom went to when she was growing up (crazy!!)
got to play with baby Jett in the hallway haha
but i missed my mom's and grandma's testimonies =(

After church my Grandma tried to introduce me to this kid in her ward
he just got home from a mission
so we go up to meet him, and it was SUPER awkward.
He like did NOT stop smiling and looking at my grandma the whole time
and she kept having to think of stuff to say
so i was just like "nice to meet you.... yeah you just got home...
how was it....." he invited me to stay for the single's ward
i said we were leaving haha.... awkwardness.....

Then we drove the family bus up to this random
dog show in Heber
long drive, didn't even get to see them cause it was $12 a person!!! lame!!!
but we went to the Alpine Slide!! that was SO FUN i loved it

Then dinner at a really really good Indian Restaurant
=the best curry i've ever had
(Even better than Haleiwa Eats... and thats a big deal)

SIDENOTE: I think i'm addicted to Barq's RB haha

Monday:
LAGOON
SOO FUN!
i took my nephew on a ton of fun rides
and got to see all my nephews and niece ride the fun rides
My brother Steve and I went on the Catapult thing
where they put you in this little steal ball
and there's poles like WAY WAY high up on either side
and the bungee cords are connected to the ball
and they spring you from the ground soo high
it was CRAZY but so fun
i couldn't believe i actually did it... i was like "What am i doing?!?!" the whole time haha

that night we dropped of My sweet sister Melissa and Baby June
and drove home.
I got to drive the family bus for 3 hours haha awesome!!

The rest of the week i hung out a lot with
Courtney Tyler
Alex Gubler
and i saw my cousins
Candace Wood & David Colegrove

I spent a lot of time with my parents,
got to go shopping
brought home fake tattoos, silly bands, and an inflatable pool for the ocean!!

I'm actually pretty bummed that i don't get to stay home for fall.
i love fall so much and miss the weather.
just seeing all the fall decorations and candy corn
bummed me out a little
and getting to spend thanksgiving with my parents
and not getting to be there when Melissa has her baby =(

I'm a little bummed.
but the trip home was so random but SO amazing!!
i love my family and STG

Something to {Remember} me by

2010-09-04T22:11:00.001-07:00

(this is a note that i wrote my freshman year during Winter Semester at BYUH. I love it.)

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “NOTES” under tabs on your "PROFILE" page (you may have to add the tab by clicking on the + sign), click on "Compose New Messsage" and paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I absolutely hate facebook, it still baffles me that i get on it everyday. I think it's a stalker's network.. and i'll admit i feel like a stalker every time i get on.

2. I wish all of my old friends new how much i missed them, and i feel self conscious every time i tell them. i dont think i could ever express to them how grateful i am to have them in my life.

3. My absolute favorite thing to do is watch a disney movie with a boy, because either conversations of our childhood or our dreams will come up.

4. i feel like no guy will ever make me feel as loved as my dad does, even though we argue 50% of the time. And i've come to realize it's only because we're so much alike.. and i love that about us.

5. I love the Rocket Summer, the starting line and old punk bands.. but Celine Dion beats out anyone and everyone i've ever listened to. Because my mom, my sisters and i used to listen to her and sing along when we were little.

6. My sister just had a baby, my first niece, i get to hold her in 27 days and i can NOT wait. I don't think i'll ever give her back once i get her. My nephews are the best thing in the world, i can't wait to meet you little junebug.

7. I am turning more and more into my mom every day. And I hope it continues. She's perfect.

8. I think that every girl has a lot of amazing qualities, and that guys don't realize how lucky they are to know us.

9. I don't feel like an awkward person, but i think i can easily make people feel uncomfortable, and i always try really hard to make it more comfortable, and the harder i try, the more awkward it becomes. and i absolutely hate it.

10. I look up to my brother Steve and his wife Jaime's marriage, it's like a real life fairy tale. They are both such amazing people.

11. I look up to each of my siblings, because all of them are the people i want to be, and i feel so lucky every time i'm with them.

12. I don't like writing missionaries.

13. I took a marriage class last semester, some people thought i was weird, but it will probably be the best class i've ever taken.

14. I LOVE Friends (the t.v. show).

15. I love clothes, and shopping, but recently i have been really good at not spending my money and that has surprised me.

16. I love country songs. i like to listen to it while i get ready in the morning.

17. I want to do so many different things in hawaii... but just being by the ocean, and having the ability to go there every day would be reason enough to be here.

18. the ocean scares the heck out of me. (i know i just contradicted myself ha)

19. My dad and i used to play hide and go seek and come to court when i was little, and to this day i still hate when people jump out and scare me like my dad used to.

20. i think my sister melissa is perfect, literally. and i think when julie and jef are together, they are the funniest people on earth.

21. I fall for my guy friends pretty easily, and its usually hard to find a reason not to like them anymore. and hardly ever, mostly never do i tell them.

22. I wish i were more girly.

23. I think i am only truly happy when i can be myself and embrace it.. being in an english class gives me the best feelings i've ever felt in my life.

24. I am a neat freak. i like to be very organized so that i know where everything is. My mom used to call me the "walking tornado" and i know her constant nagging changed me.. so thanks mom, its one of my favorite qualities.

25.I never crawled when i was little, i scooted across the floor. my mom said i looked like uruslla from the little mermaid. and i'm left handed.. something was wrong.

Twenty {One}

2010-09-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

I have been 21 now for 4 days!!

For the first half hour of my 21st year...

i took advantage of the time i had, and pondered on my 20th year.

I learned SO much.

I loved so much

i gained/lost so much

and i grew a ton

so here's to you year 20, thanks for the memories =)

year 21... let's see what we can do buddy!!

{My Birthday}

My friends are the best. i'll just put it that way.

They were planning this HUGE weekend for my birthday

but Monday morning comes,

and my mom decides to fly me home for 1.5 weeks

so their plans were ruined (well not really... im actually pretty sure they're carrying them through right now without me, but its cool.. its not their fault im not there haha)

So on my actual birthday

the clock struck 12

Bree, Ethan, Erin and I drove to foodland

i brought a candle and a lighter

we bought cupcakes (with Star Trek rings on them)

and i put my candle in, lit it, and made a wish.

(i'm going to make it a tradition that i always do this at midnight.

and i'm always going to either buy or bake myself a cupcake every year,

just to remember how much i do and should love me haha =)

after that, we were up pretty late.

i went to bed around 3? bree recorded a pretty embarrassing video of what happens to Stephanie when she's tired. (oh goodness... haha)

then i went to bed, got up a few hours later to get a drink of water

my friends were still up, and they had put up a WAY cute HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign on our kitchen wall. haha

I woke up the next day around 6:50,

Bree and I drove Crystal to the dentist and went to breakfast in Kaneohe at IHOP.

French Toast Slam oh baby baby!

Went home and napped til 12:30

went to Sunset (my favorite beach) with Erika, Bree, and Ethan.

I laid out on the ocean and played for 4 hours, it was SO fun.

my really good friend Garrett called me from Georgia!!! I love and miss him!!

(i used to each lunch with him every day my senior year, but we haven't even talked since graduation.. crazy)

Later that night we watched all the Friends "The one with all the birthdays"

then we planned to go to dinner around 8

we didn't get to Haleiwa til 9

Haleiwa Eats is CLOSED on Tuesdays (so sad!!!)

so we went to Cholos Mexican for my birthday dinner

Tessa, Ethan, Erika, Erin, Bree, and Bryan came with me.

and we watched one of my favorite movies Runaway Bride

Erin and Bree made me a cute cake

and i made yet another birthday wish and blew out my candles =)

Best. Day. Ever.

(mainly because i got to spend it with the people i love)

THEN i flew home Thursday morning

went shopping for a few hours with mom

and bought TONS of cute things.

It was seriously the best day ever haha i got to shop with my mom

just me and her

and buy tons of stuff.

Happy 21st to me =)

Today.

2010-08-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

Today....

I woke up really happy

Today....

is the last day that I will be 2o years old

Today...

is the last day that when someone asks "how old are you?"

i can say "20"

Today...

I got pizza and candy for my pre-birthday presents haha

Today...

We're making the treats for FHE

Today...

i made the decision to go home for my birthday (well... my mom did mostly haha)

Today...

I don't want to go on a mission.

Today...

i want to make someone happy

Today...

i wish i had a boyfriend/fiance/someone to love me that way

Today...

i need to clean my room, but i don't think i will.

Today...

i wish i felt like i had any of my best friends as friends anymore

because none of them feel like it.

and that is sad..

. because tomorrow is my birthday

and my biggest birthday wish is this...

I want Jazmin, Danny, and Erin back the way they were in my life.

i miss you guys

=( i feel like 3 huge parts of me have died.

But Today...

is still a good day

and I Love My Life

Happy August 30th

Peace out Year 20!

. . . nobody knows where they might end up

2010-08-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

Today i had a lot of meetings after church.

I still have 3 callings, and Sundays get SUPER busy

plus visiting teaching and home teachers.

while i was walking home afterwards

i kinda realized where i'm at today.

I could be married,

i could be pregnant,

i could be making dinner for someone every night,

and i could be part of a team,

but i'm not.

I'm single.

I have tons of friends

i live in hawaii

and i have the option now of going on a mission.

And i NEVER thought i would be here.

To be honest i thought i would be married by now.

and i don't know how i feel now that i'm not.

when i first think about it it makes me sad

i would love to be married.

but the single life is still here, and i'm taking full advantage of it

its getting easier to see people that are married and happy

after, what we'll call "the break up", it was hard let's be honest.

but its easier, and i'm totally accepting where i'm at

and loving life.

(but you read my blog... and you already know that =)

I called my mom and my sister today.

My mom asked what i was doing

i said "watching a show that you think is the devil"

"are you watching greys anatomy??"

I love them so much haha she knew exactly what i was talking about.

My parents are the best.

do you want me to tell you why?

ok i will!

they called me a few minutes after i hung up the phone and said

"steph, if you could do anything for your birthday, what would you do?"

i had to think for a minute and said "probably go to europe or something. . . why?"

They didn't mean that extravagant haha they meant fly home for the break.

I still love them haha

But i'm still trying to decide if i want to go home.

home is such a different place now for a lot of reasons.

A few are bittersweet and make me really reluctant still.

but i would love to see my family.

but i was also really really excited for my parents to come

because then i could show them what i've been up to.

the longer i've been in Hawaii, the more i really enjoy being here.

It's almost hard to go home because i get torn.

so idk idk idk what to do. (indecisiveness, i'm sure you're not surprised ha)

. . . & all it's beauty

2010-08-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

I am infatuated with Eat Pray Love.

It may not relate to others as it has to me.

So the things that i have been going through may seem small and meager

and not of great worth to those on the outside,

but if you could only catch a small glimpse of how much growth and beauty

and love and peace and trial and challenge and thunderstorms

have passed through me in just a small moment of my life. .. .

you'd be infatuated too.

The thing about eat pray love is that i related so much to it when i first started to read.

There comes a point where you have to accept that things aren't right

they weren't working

and i couldn't accept them for a long time.

but reading eat pray love helped me to see that i h

ave to find my love

i have to find my strength.

i turn 21 on tuesday

and the storms of trials that have raged through me

have tested and strengthened and roared past me

and i am still standing,

and have needed every minute of it.

i am refined.

wherever you go, no matter what you do,

you have to accept things as they are

and learn from things

and change yourself, to ever be happy.

Decision Made.. but you have to read to the end to find out.

2010-08-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

This past week was EPIC.

I feel like a true college student now than i ever have.

I've stayed up past at least 1 every night

and woken up early to do more crazy things.

I watched tons of movies,

cuddled with some boys,

had bonfires

snuck into resorts

went to the beach

went out to eat every day

made new friends

and had tons of people over almost every night

and am reminded every single day of how much i love my friends.

I seriously will be driving, talking, eating, anything with my friends

and it will hit me, and i just have to say it out

loud

"i love you guys. i'm so glad we have each other

, i don't know what i would do without you."

And it's true. my friends are my sisters.

we all must have met in the pre-existence and

decided to meet

at college

in hawaii

and be roommates and best friends

and do TONS of fun things together

like get pedicures

shop

eat out almost every day

hang out together

and know each other more than anyone else.

I am convinced that they really do know me more than anyone i've ever known.

Anyways. . . .

Steph likes to cuddle.

I am a really touchy person. And cuddling just helps my days and makes me feel elated.

last night i fit perfectly into some not-well-known arms of a friend

and i'm happy about it, so sue me =)

Every day i've felt this freedom of life

I'm infinite, and I'm happy, and I'm selfish, and I'm giving,

and I'm helpful, and I'm clean and I'm just peachy

Another thing.

DECISION MADE.

Guess who's going to serve a mission?

=) =) =)

Double Posties for Slacking

2010-08-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

I decided since I hardly post, that I'll post a few times every time i do haha.

Anyways. . . here's a confession.

This is MY blog. So i am going to just express myself.

I hope you don't judge me.

So yes, if you're wondering, i have been holding on to past feelings.

It's taken me a while to get over stuff.

It's helped me to see Faith in myself,

I know that it happened for a reason, and I know that my life will be strengthened from the experience.

but today, i looked at some pictures that a few weeks ago would have made me bawl like a baby again.

but today was different, today i saw it. What i've been waiting to see and denying that i ever would see.

It's just not going to work out the way i wanted it to.

and you know what? Its ok with me.

I really do see what i want, and things could have worked out differently, but there are no regrets. I'm grateful for the person that i have become because of these struggles and challenges.

So for today, i just want to say

My heart broke. it shattered.

My life was up-side down

In the first place i was scared to death

and its funny because what i was scared of actually happened.

and i am a completely different person now because of it.

So i am so incredibly grateful.

And I don't have any hard feelings.

I am so thankful that I got to have the opportunity to be in a relationship with someone so awesome and wonderful.

And the time has definitely come slowly but surely

where i can say. . .

thanks for all you did for me.

I still wish more than anything to have my best friend back.

But he's different now too, and i can't blame him or wish it any different.

But i do want to say, i loved you so much.

thanks for meaning the world to me in a small moment in my life.

And thanks for helping me let go.

You're doing the right thing.

. . . anyways now i'll just share a few things. . .

the songs i've posted with this are some songs that helped me so much through this.

its been months now, and i still can feel the pangs of hurt in my heart sometimes, but today is a different day and i want it to be. I really do want to let go. i really do want to be a better person for someone. I really do want him to be happy. and i really do love myself for being so strong. And i love my heavenly father for helping me so much.

So here's to you, Danny Baer.

Thanks for everything.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

2010-08-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

The ABC's of my happy day/life

A is for applesauce as an after-school snack

B is for Bree & Becca & Brian some of my favorite people

C is for the Cage where i work, i worked all by myself for 3 hours today

(i had to close the cage for a few minutes to put the basketball hoops in the CAC down, and when i got back there were over 20 people waiting in the hallway for me... busy busy job sometimes)

C is also for Cuddling. . . =)

D is for Dancing (the salsa hula is my specialty) and Devotionals at BYUH

E is for Erin. she is my BFF fo eva eva eva eva

F is for Fun at the Firesides and Friends because i'm still obsessed with the show

G is for Grey's Anatomy. Yay!

H is for Holm and i love my family

my mom called me a true holm today because i said "it weren't me"

all of my polygamist cousins talk like that. awesome.

I is for me. I am selfish.

J is for Jerusalem. i am looking into doing a semester there.

K is for Kollege

L is for my momma Lisa, the bestest momma in the world. and my YW leader Lisa in Georgia

(shout out!! LISA FARREN IS THE GREATEST!! Thanks for reading my blog! i miss you!! thanks for all your awesome advice today =)

M is for Movies

N is for No holding hands with freshman. Too late. Whoopsidaisies.

O is for oh no... everyone wants me to go on a mission. and the Ocean

P is for passionate yelling because of eventful events

Q is for Queen of Sheeba, my fishy

R is for Religion

S is for Snoopy Bree's car

T is for Talks until 6am

U is for underwater pictures

V is for Very Voluptuous Desserts (look up Voluptuous on Urban Dictionary {dot} com)

W is for Wet, Wild, and Wacky adventures

X is for xerox machines! yay for making copies for my music because i'm the ward choir director.

Y is for Youthful Yumminess

Z is for catching no Zzzz's and Zoolander

HUZZAH!

Sunday Journal 8/15

2010-08-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

I'm still really really happy.

And it's not like "i hope you're as happy as you're pretending"

it's like the true happiness you feel when you know you're right where you're supposed to be.

I've been stressing a lot about whether i should go on a mission.

Then i realized that I've been through this before,

I've worried and worried and gone through with things

without feeling that peace of mind and heart.

So for now, it's not right. But I'm still considering it for the future.

I've also realized that the happiness I feel finally doesn't have anything to do with where I am, or who I'm with (well... not necessarily). It has to do with how i feel about myself, and how i feel about my life and where it's going.

This is where it's going.

I'm happy because it's going wherever Heavenly Father wants it to.

And that's all I need to know.

Faith is knowing the Sun will rise

lighting each new day

Faith is knowing

the Lord will hear

my prayers each time I pray

The Situation.

2010-08-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Alright so here's the dealio.

Why oh why

can't guys just man up and talk to girls?

I've made a few guy friends these past couple weeks

and ALL of them (and some of the girls I know)

are going through the same thing.

MISCOMMUNICATION.

Seriously

I really wish people realized that communication is key

and that out of respect for others feelings

telling someone how you feel

and that things are over

and that they need to move on

is the right move.

I know guys think that girls will just get the hint,

but some of us hold onto false hope.

and just saying it's over is nice and good and respectful.

How can you not know that by now?

We're in college right?

not elementary school.

Can we please just grow a pair??

That'd be nice.

Off Season is what I'm on. . .

and selfishness is what I need right now.

If you don't like someone, just TELL them. just do it.

get some closure, man up, and then yeah it's all good.

fingers crossed for all of my sweet girlfriends out there going through it.

until then. . .

Love & all its Charms

2010-08-10T23:53:00.000-07:00

A friend from my first year here at BYU Hawaii

got married over the summer.

I was just looking at her cute wedding pictures on facebook

and I watched her way stinking cute Wedding Video

so I thought I'd share it with my fellow blogging friends =)

she is the happiest bride i've ever seen

so even though I'm not close to getting married or anything

this should just make you smile,

and helps you want to fall in love.

Hayley & Eric SL Same Day Edit from Matthew Baker on Vimeo.

Surfin' Tacos & Freaky Friday

2010-08-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

This Friday is Friday the 13th!

Random Thoughts:

*i hate when i find out that I've tried so hard for something

to no avail.

there have been 2 happenings this week that have reminded me

of the failure of my attempts to help others.

but at least i'm still trying, right?

*I've gotten 3, i'll repeat it. . . THREE letters from my best friend

and he is amazing. and i miss him terribly.

*Everyone is asking me if i'm going to serve a mission.

A big part is because i spoke in sacrament meeting about

preparing to serve a mission on Sunday.

I had some good alone time at the temple last night

to figure out my thoughts and find that... indeed... it is a big possibility in the near future. =)

*This morning i get a text from one of my first-ever BYUH friends.

She goes "OMG!! I'm at the Joseph Smith farm in NY and your sister is giving my family the tour!! she says hii!!"

so this morning, for about 2.5 hours, i got to talk to my sister, through one of my good BYUH friends =)

she even called me a brat like she always does.

Oh how i miss my big sissy juju

*There's a new Mexican Restaurant in the town next to Laie,

it is a Cafe Rio knock-off and it's DE-licious.

Haleiwa Eats + Surfin' Tacos = Stef 100% fat and happy

*I LOVE my friends

I seriously for realsies couldn't imagine my life without them right now.

I would be nothing without them.

They are the cheese to my macaroni.

quote for the day

"Do something every day

that makes you HAPPY"

Holy Freak A Leak

2010-08-08T02:54:00.001-07:00

Elated.

2010-08-07T02:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Johnny Depp,

about an hour ago you said hi to me,

held my hand

and looked me in the eyes.

and i will never be the same.

thanks for making my Friday night beautiful.

then end.

love, Steph

I don't think i've ever really seen anyone as famous as he is.

and you don't think you'd get all excited about it and freak out,

until you're standing right there,

and he reaches and grabs your hand

looks you in the eyes and says "hello".

and all the crowd wants to do (and the crazy pregger girl next to you) is hold those hands

and look into those eyes.

haha i sound crazy... but it was a crazy sweet experience

and i would do it again any day.

{Good Mornin'}

2010-08-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

I had the best morning ever.
Woke up to a call from my sister Melissa.

When she said "bye love ya!"
she handed the phone to June
and said "say french fry"

and that sweet little one year old yells
"FWENCH FWY"

best. morning. ever.

{Selfish}

2010-08-04T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a little book entitled
"An Honors Journal of Thoughts & Ideas"

One of the poems (i think its a poem?)
reminded me of a conversation i had with my sister.
I was talking with her over the Summer
about my life and how i don't know where it's going.
and that i'll never get married. . .
we went to the pool
and i laid in the sun for an hour
while she had to play with baby June and make her happy.

So here is the Poem or whatever is may be.
and it makes me happy about my life
(keep in mind though. . . i don't have a boyfriend. .
so i'm not close to marriage. . .but the same kind of freedom applies to me)

I Am Selfish
By Michelle Bautista

I like being selfish. When
people ask me why I am
not yet married to my
boyfriend of more than
four years, I say that I like
being selfish.

I like being selfish with
my boyfriend's attention. I
am 23-years-old--an age, I
think, that should be spent
enjoying spontaneity and
surprises. Just tonight my
boyfriend came up to see
me because he felt like it; I
like that. Both of us bailed
out on paperwork and
priorities for a good five
hours to enjoy the simple
pleasure of each other's
company. I like choosing
lesser priorities over
responsibilities every once
in a while, and I
understand that I cannot
be so clumsy when I am
married.
If we get married too soon, I am
afraid we will spend too
much time with each other
and, eventually, we will use
up all our magic -- either
on being with each other
too much or spending all
our energy on a child.

I like being selfish with my
body. I still very much
enjoy being my mother's
child, and I like to watch
home videos with my
family or cartoons with my
brothers. I am not ready to
light up vacancy signs
around my belly and put
up advertisements for
nine-month leases. I am
not ready to gain weight
for "good reasons." I like
going to the gym and
doing routine work-outs
that I think are correct,
and I enjoy not having to
find someone that knows
more about work-outs for
expectant mothers. I like
running around the
neighborhood on weekend
mornings with my
boyfriend and not having
to push around a tag-along
stroller with us, with fancy
shades and plastic flags. I
like being in control of my
body and sympathize with
pregnant cousins that have
no control over their
constant gag reflexes,
nausea, hunger pains, and
other unfortunate
biological side effects. I
also do not like cravings; I
want to enjoy the food
that I have in front of me,
instead of having to go to
the grocery store at
unusual hours for
something very specific
and, most likely, out of
season.

I like being selfish with my
money. My mother always
complains to me about
being home for Christmas
because the last thing I
want to do is use my own
money to buy my things.
What more? If i have my
own child to spend money
on? I do not want to make
grocery lists that include
expensive diapers,
expensive formula,
expensive baby food, then
turn the list around
and find a list of expensive
textbooks for school.
Although I beg my mother
to take care of my school
clothes, i pride myself in
not asking a penny from
my parents in regards to
tuition and boarding fees.
Also, my boyfriend's
money has slowly become
my money; marital fees
and its subunits are not so
generous.

I like being selfish with my
time. I like being able to
go out with my friends
whenever i want and not
have to worry about
making dinner for my
husband or finding a baby-
sitter for my child. I like
choosing classes that are in
accordance to my own
convenience and not to
that of my husband
and/or child. I came back
to my dorm past midnight
tonight, because i was out
with friends, and did not
mind staying up late to do
this paper because I have
nothing else to worry
about but myself. I do not
mind pulling all-nighters
that are for the sole
purpose of homework and
studying, and do not have
the unfortunate side
effects of being obliged to
do laundry, the dishes, and
taking care of a baby that
finds difficulty in falling
asleep. I will go to the
bathroom when i want to.
I will wait in this line as
long as i want. this is my
favorite show and i am
going to enjoy it. My
schedule is my schedule
and no one else's.

Last Christmas, my
mother and I had a
conversation about our
problems- hers never-
ending, and mine trivial. I
am "lucky," She told me;
all i have to worry about is
myself.

(besides the money
and the fact that i think i'd love to be a mom. . .
selfishness is awesome right now.)

{Calm} in a world of chaos

2010-08-04T21:35:00.000-07:00

The men in my life
who will never break my heart.

I love my family
& miss these guys so much
and love them with all of my heart =)

{Stardust}

2010-08-02T18:21:00.000-07:00

I'm at work right now.

I am covering 5 shifts for a girl this week and next week.

And i am being brave and brought my computer. . .

the reason why i use the word "brave"

is because i hate sitting on a computer all day.

well not just hate,

i LOATHE it.

I hate how much time goes, and it is all wasted and i feel all lazy and stuff.

Facebook is the devil.

No really.

I feel guilty when i get on

because i feel like i'm spying on people

who don't want me to know about their lives.

(obviously they do because we are friends...)

i think it also has to do with jealousy

and being far away from people that i can't hang out with.

There might come a day soon enough

where i won't hate it so much.

but for now,

i loathe my computer

and am trying to get over it haha

On a Happy Note =)

I had a wonderful Sunday dinner and sunday movie night with a bunch of friends.

We watched Stardust.

I've never seen it (i fell asleep when i tried)

but i was missing out because this is by far the best quote about love that i have ever heard. =) judge me if you will... But i am a hopeless romantic.

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

"I should tell you that you were my first love."

-Ingrid Michaelson

{Just for Fun}

2010-08-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

Some things i know about myself now. . .

~I get attached to people and things. (like an old cell phone. . .or an ex boyfriend and memories)

~I hate being alone. watching a movie, reading a book, listening to music. . . i always love having my friends beside me.

~my favorite thing in the world over the summer was to play the piano on my mom's beautiful grand piano. . . and to make it better. . . my parents would walk by every once in a while (i'd literally play for at least an hour almost every day for 6 weeks) and they'd say "we're so proud of you." "it sounds great!" "i love it steph" "Beautiful". and then i try to act like it won't affect my playing.. only to lose track of where i was haha.

~I love singing. I drove around a lot in st george just to sing. Michael Buble's cd 'Crazy Love' and the Anastasia soundtrack were always my best friends in the Mustang haha. If i could, i would sing instead of talk.

~I want to to these 3 things:

go to culinary school

go to massage school

& go to hair school

which is funny because here i am, trying to get a bachelor's degree. . . and i am still trying to decide on a major. (social work? english? english education?. . . who knows. . . i'll be in school forever at this point.)

~I am VERY indecisive. I couldn't even decide on a pet fish to get when they all looked the same. I can't decide my grocery list, what color to paint my nails, my favorite things. . . its no wonder i'm not married and don't have a declared major haha if all these little decisions can't be decided, how am i supposed to make any big ones?

~You've Got Mail is my new favorite movie though (Runaway Bride was the previous)

I love Fall,

and i love how optimistic Meg Ryan's character is. so i can decide that.

~I read my scriptures and write missionaries when I'm bored. I used to hate writing missionaries because i never knew what to say, but i was missing out.

I heard a very smart girl in Sunday School today say

that you find out who you truly are when you're alone.

You discover how you act when you are all alone,

and nothing you do is for anyone else but yourself.

I believe that wholeheartedly. It's like dancing in my room when i was in high school, and singing in the car.

I think everyone should go and be by themselves for a little bit, and really discover what kind of thoughts come to mind... and what kind of things they desire to do. it might make you really happy to see that you're a better person than you thought you were. =)

~I went to the temple with my friends on Thursday night after hearing some.... shocking things ha... and i realized that i have taken some really good advice and only let myself have one good cry about sad things and then i forget them and move on. I also noticed that night that i have amazing friends who really do love me. And we all deserve amazing husbands and will find them one day =) haha

~my favorite finger is my left ring finger

and my favorite toe is my left middle toe.

haha

Sunday Journal

2010-08-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

I began my fast today with some questions. . .

questions about where my life should go from here.

I turn 21 this month (yay its my birthday month!!)

& yes. . . i am considering going on a mission.

I've been told by a lot of people that they think I'd be a good missionary.

I know that I would be. And i know that i would love it.

But I also know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me,

and i can't lean on my own understanding. . .

so i've been praying about it.

I got asked to speak in sacrament meeting next week

(on preparing to serve a mission... haha my mom thought that was interesting. . . )

then i got 2 callings

so today was a busy day! haha

I am now the Choir Director and the Relief Society Pianist =)

all musical =) =)

i don't know if i've said this already, but i'm going to try out for concert choir here at school.

I'm really excited just to have the experience, whether i make it or not.

I think that the Lord has a lot of wonderful things in store for me

i have patience for those blessings. . .

and am doing what i can now to receive them worthily when they come.

but for now, i'm happy

i have direction (school and a fun job, possibly a mission. . . )

and i am learning that life isn't always what you expect.

In short my testimony is that;

Heavenly Father knows who i am,

he knows my desires, and knows how my heart feels

and things will work out exactly how they're supposed to.

because i believe in, trust, and have faith in him and his plan for me.

and my obedience and worthiness is key.

Happy Sunday