a {journal} entry

My Aunt Janet got me a little journal that was light blue with little snowmen on it from Old Navy for Christmas when i was in 5th grade.

I wrote about the boys i had crushes on, being left out, getting my arm broken, and what i wanted to be when i grew up.

Now, 9 and a half years later, i've completely filled 7 journals.

When i used to write in them in Middle and high school it was more like my therapy. A way to fill the time, to focus my thoughts, and remember what is important to me. I think i write about boys the most because that helps me not think about them as much or try to remember what i was thinking because i have it all written down.

While being home, i've found all of my journals and i read them along with my scriptures at night.

All i can say is, if you don't keep a journal, start today. Make a goal to write in it every night before you go to bed. Even if you write a sentence, a paragraph, or 6 pages, i promise it will be worth it. Its so cool to me because its not just for my posterity to know exactly what i was doing or what i was thinking and what i became in this life and why i am the way i am, but its also so cool for me to see it myself. I've changed and grown and developed and it helps me to know that i've come a long way. and i have a long way to go.

I'm so excited to start all of my mission memorabilia.

I'm going to keep a spiritual journal, and kind of a memories journal.

My sister Julie said that while she's been on her mission, she keeps a separate journal for her thoughts about her future family and kids and when she finds her husband and stuff.

I want to collect little pieces of napkins, receipts, and flowers and things and glue them in. I did that my last 3 months in Hawaii and even a month afterwards i'm soo glad i did.

I love my journals.

It's also funny, because i've started to hang out and talk to some old boyfriends (i hope they don't read this lol) and i can look back and laugh at all of the stuff that happened. (p.s. i'm grateful we're still friends) and (i hope) one day i'll be starting to date my future husband, and i'll write all of the fun stuff and what i was thinking through it all, and we'll read it together and laugh down the road.

Journals are just fun.

I'm blogging a lot because i'm sick haha. but just some thoughts =) =)

Happy Sunday!

"For the {Temple} is a Holy Place...."

The temple on Thursday was

Amazing

Crazy

Emotional

and i'll admit.... strange.

I had to be at the temple early with my mom to do all of the initiatory stuff before my first session. I couldn't sleep the night before haha i only got about 3 hours of sleep AND i was fasting so when i woke up i was a zombie. My mom told me that i needed to break my fast or i would be miserable and falling asleep in the session. she gave me an energy drink and got me McDonald's ha. But all of the jitters and sleepiness left me as we pulled onto the road with the temple and i saw it. I love the St. George temple. It's always been my fairy princess castle, where i'd be sealed to my eternal companion/prince charming haha. When i saw it, i cried and cried and kept saying to my mom i can't believe i'm so lucky, i'm actually going inside today! I can't believe this!! haha i was all kinds of emotional.

Walking into the temple was fun too. I had my cute Vera Bradley temple bag with my beautiful new temple dress, all of the stuff that i needed (including mints, my mom said it's a tradition of hers to always have mints in her temple bag) and i showed the front desk man my very own temple recommend. (you know.. cause you always picture when you'll have it and that you'll show it to them and smile and think "yep thats right i'm worthy! I'm doing this!")

As a member of the LDS church, i've known all of my life that i would some day go into the temple for the first time. (and i thought it would be right before i got married... ha). Now, having been inside the temple, I am at a loss for words really.

I feel like there's this whole side of the church that i'd never known about before. The temple will do that to you i guess. But it's not secret, it's sacred. And this past Thursday i had to tell myself that it's not scary or weird, it's sacred.

Its like this time when my family got tickets to see General Conference. I was 14 or 15 i think and i was so excited. i remember saying my prayers and expressing how grateful i was that i got to see the prophet in real life. Then when i sat in my seat (on the balcony of the new conference center) i was in total shock. I had felt the spirit prior to entering the conference center, but once i was there i was mesmerized at all of the people, and how commercial it all felt. Seeing that many people come, and seeing all of the cameras and the hype of conference in real life scared me, and i felt like the church wasn't what i had thought it was because of that experience. That's exactly how i felt after my first temple session was over. I was mesmerized, and the church seems foreign again.

I'll continue to go, and i'll get used to it and i know i'll love it once i can understand it all better, but for right now, i'm trying to focus on the positive aspects. The main positive thing that i keep thinking about is how wearing garments always seemed like such an adult thing, and now i'm wearing them. That's crazy! I feel like a real grown up now. It makes me happy sometimes, but that taylor Swift song came on my itunes the other day "Never Grow Up" and i got sad. I don't feel like i'm old enough for all of this. But i'm grateful nonetheless =)

{Five} foot {Three}

Today I went to see my friends

Ta'ei Lafaele, Mike Richey, Scott Caldwell, and Chad Casey

sing with their ward choir in sacrament meeting.

They live in Bloomington Hills,

and the YSA wards here are sectioned into home stakes.

If you didn't already know,

I went to Bloomington Hills Elementary.

Apparently there was this big problem when my family first moved into Stone Cliff.

Our neighbors were mad that my parents wanted us to go to the new school

instead of the old one where their kids were going.

Anyway, luckily we got to go to Bloomington Hills Elementary.

Today in sacrament meeting i saw TONS of people that i haven't seen in a long long time.

Its funny, i feel like as i've gotten older,

i've gained more confidence.

When i used to come visit St. George, and saw those people,

i would be too shy to say hi.

But now they all came up to me, and i approached some of them.

It was like a great big elementary school reunion and i was

as happy as could be =)

Anyway the point of the title of this post is;

i also saw my 5th grade teacher

Mr. Gregoire.

He's in their bishopric.

I went up to him after sacrament meeting and asked if he remembered me.

He smiled, shook my hand, and said,

"You're not much taller, are ya"

nice.

I guess i haven't grown since 5th grade ha

Cutting {&} Pasting

The time here in St. Geezy passes by so slowly.

Sometimes I just want to Go.

then other times I really just want to stay.

If some of you are wondering why I'm here at home instead of finishing another semester at BYUH is for this very reason, which i forgot to announce i think...

My parents were extended a call to be Mission Presidents about a month before I got my call. They don't know where they're going yet, they find out around the end of February.

So I prayed about it, and felt like moving home was good to be able to spend time with them before I leave. =) so here i am babycakes. a little bored and lazy... but also grateful for this tiny window of a break.

OH and did i mention... i also get to see these little munchkins a whole lot more?

Drake

Jett

Huddy

Junebug

Camden & Hudson

(Christmas talent night

all the kids rocked

Santa Claus is coming to town haha)

And Marcus in the middle =)

I couldn't be any luckier =) =)

I love to see the {Temple}... I'll go inside someday

A place of

Love & Beauty. . .

"I urge our people everywhere, with all of the persuasiveness of which I am capable,

to live worthy to hold a temple recommend,

to secure one and to regard it as a precious asset,

and to make a greater effot to go to the house of the Lord and partake of the spirit and the blessings to be held therein.

I am satisfied that every man or woman who goes to the temple

in a spirit of sincerity and faith

leaves the house of the Lord as a better man or woman.

There is need for constant improvement in all of our lives.

There is need occasionally to leave the noise and tumult of the world

and step within the walls of a sacred house of God,

there to feel His spirit in an environment

of holiness and peace."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

I love to see the temple,

I'm going there. . . .

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

{!!!!}

lovey dovey love love love

{Be Still}

I've never been the kind to testify

i don't have the words his truth deserves.

but it's a simple thing he asks,

a worthy heart and willing hands.

He says if i'll make the choice

he'll help me find my voice.

He calls me to serve

and i cannot fail him.

the one who has given me all that i have.

i place my trust in him alone,

he knows the yearnings of my soul

because he believes in me

i will go willingly.

how can i keep this gift to myself

when i can lift somebody else?

i am witness of his miracles and his mercy.

i put my future in his hands

knowing he's made me all i am.

when i put my faith in, the truth begins to speak.

his power is real.

it moves me until i will not

be still.

Lifting the hands that hang down in sorrow.

strengthening knees that bend in despair.

reaching the hopeless hearts

who do not know his love

seeing their lives begin to change

i know i'll never be the same.

How can i keep this gift to myself

when i can lift somebody else?

ill be a witness of his miracles and his mercy.

I put my future in his hands

knowing he's me all i am.

i put my faith in him

and truth begins to speak.

his power is real.

it moves me until i will not

be still.

his power is real

i trust in his will

i will not

be still.

{Wishes} for 2011

2010, you were a tough one.

I'm not going to lie, I came into 2010 expecting it to be amazing and wonderful and surprising.

and it was the hardest year of my life so far.

My Dearest 2011, here are my goals =D

-Read the scriptures and my patriarchal blessing every day twice a day

-Be more helpful and loving with my family

MISSION GOALS:

Be a missionary that uplifts others

Never think of myself first

Always give people the benefit of the doubt

Obedient to my mission president 100%

NEVER complain

Have a heart full of gratitude everyday for the blessings that I do have

work my hardest to learn the language

I've forgotten to write about what i think about my mission call,

probably because i've been writing in my journal a ton this past week haha.

Before I got my call, i prayed that it would be a place that would make me feel special. I don't know why, but that is what i wanted. I wanted to get a call that would be so exciting and so new and different.

When i opened my call, i was literally in shock for 2 days. All i could think about was Taiwan, and Chinese, and how awesome it is that i get to go there. I was in full-on excited-mission-mode.

Several people have told me "my uncle went there and loved it!"

"my sister-in-laws cousin went there and said it's beautiful"

"My grandpa's nephews best friend's dog lives there and loves it!"

I've also heard:

"i'm not gonna lie Steph, I'm really scared for you."

"chinese is really hard. its the hardest language to learn"

"you're going to starve to death"

"you better learn to like eating scorpion and squid and raw fish"

My mom tells me every day that i'm not going.

My dad finds at least 5 new people to tell every day haha

and my sister Julie writes me as "our little chinese/asian sister".

Here's what i think:

I think that my call is the Lord's way of showing me the potential he sees in me.

I've always always said that the people who get called to Asia are the smartest people i know. And guess what, I'm a B average student. I'm mediocre at like everything, and Spanish or even ENGLISH probably would have been the easier choice.

But my Heavenly Father can see me teaching and growing and learning in a way i didn't know i could. I am soo so soo INCREDIBLY excited to go. My whole mindset on life has changed. I CANNOT wait to drop my life and serve. I know that maybe sometimes i'll miss my awesome life in Hawaii, or the freedom i feel every day now. But i know that this mission will change me, and change my life, and change my whole eternity. These next 18 months will pass no matter what, and there's nothing else in the world i'd rather be doing.

Anyways... since we're talking about 2011 and most of my year will be spent on my mission, those are some thoughts haha.

Quote that sums up my year:

"Don't you quit. You keep walking.

You keep trying.

There is help and happiness ahead.

Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some

don't come until heaven.

But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.

It will be all right in the end.

Trust God, and believe

in good things to come."

-President Thomas S. Monson