. . . nobody knows where they might end up

Today i had a lot of meetings after church.

I still have 3 callings, and Sundays get SUPER busy

plus visiting teaching and home teachers.

while i was walking home afterwards

i kinda realized where i'm at today.

I could be married,

i could be pregnant,

i could be making dinner for someone every night,

and i could be part of a team,

but i'm not.

I'm single.

I have tons of friends

i live in hawaii

and i have the option now of going on a mission.

And i NEVER thought i would be here.

To be honest i thought i would be married by now.

and i don't know how i feel now that i'm not.

when i first think about it it makes me sad

i would love to be married.

but the single life is still here, and i'm taking full advantage of it

its getting easier to see people that are married and happy

after, what we'll call "the break up", it was hard let's be honest.

but its easier, and i'm totally accepting where i'm at

and loving life.

(but you read my blog... and you already know that =)

I called my mom and my sister today.

My mom asked what i was doing

i said "watching a show that you think is the devil"

"are you watching greys anatomy??"

I love them so much haha she knew exactly what i was talking about.

My parents are the best.

do you want me to tell you why?

ok i will!

they called me a few minutes after i hung up the phone and said

"steph, if you could do anything for your birthday, what would you do?"

i had to think for a minute and said "probably go to europe or something. . . why?"

They didn't mean that extravagant haha they meant fly home for the break.

I still love them haha

But i'm still trying to decide if i want to go home.

home is such a different place now for a lot of reasons.

A few are bittersweet and make me really reluctant still.

but i would love to see my family.

but i was also really really excited for my parents to come

because then i could show them what i've been up to.

the longer i've been in Hawaii, the more i really enjoy being here.

It's almost hard to go home because i get torn.

so idk idk idk what to do. (indecisiveness, i'm sure you're not surprised ha)